I'm Full

I have no idea why I love blogging, but I do!  Sometimes I think in blog.  Weird, I know.

Yesterday I asked Leatrice about the feeling I get when I look at Kinsey sometimes.  How I am just overcome with a feeling of fullness, completeness, happiness...there aren't words quite good enough to describe the feeling.  I wanted to know if that feeling starts to fade at some point, like she just becomes part of your everyday life and you don't really think about how amazing it is that she's here, that she's our daughter.  She said it doesn't go away, that sometimes she feels so happy and full that she is going to explode. 

I asked her to please not explode, I would be really sad without her ;) 

Now, please don't everyone think that I am all rose colored glasses, or that Kinsey never gives me any frustrations.  She does, I promise!  But the good times far outweigh any tough times, so they end up seeming insignificant to write about.

This is my favorite recent picture:

Thankful for Friends

It's Thursday already? 

I'm so thankful for friends.  I'm thankful for Rachael and her husband for starting our Young Marrieds life group through our church.  David and I had a hard time meeting people we could really connect with before we joined this group.  It's changed our lives.  I've developed some very close friendships and have lots of people I can turn to when I'm in need.  We make dinner, babysit, listen, pet-sit, offer advice, laugh, cry, encourage each other...the list is endless.  I'm never in need of something to do, because there is almost always someone available or some event happening.  If you don't have friends like this in your life, seek them out!  It will change your life.

Check us out here

Month 5

5 months old today!

The newest thing this month was starting baby food.  I didn't have a timeline in mind for when to start, but she began making these chewing motions so we thought maybe it was time.  Last week we gave her rice cereal which she seemed indifferent to.  After about the third feeding she started swallowing better.  Then yesterday we gave her carrots.  At first she gave us a "Gross!" face but then once it was in her mouth for a bit she was fine.  I feed her in the Bumbo and it works pretty well.  No pooping abnormalities yet!  This morning she spit up and there was plenty of orange color to it, so I know at least some of it made it into her stomach.

Speaking of poop, if I don't throw the diapers away in the pail immediately, the dogs will jump on the counter and grab them, tear them apart, and eat the poop out of them.  That really deserves a "Gross!"

Sleeping is still not a problem, although now that she can roll on her tummy she wakes up sooner (at least I think that's the main reason).  She will only tolerate her tummy for a little bit before she gets fussy.  She is able to fall asleep on her tummy, but only at night it seems.  I can't swaddle her too much anymore, because she is capable of rolling onto her tummy in the swaddle.  That just doesn't seem safe!  However, the two times it happened she was sound asleep.  She even rolled back over onto her back once.  How she managed to do that is beyond me!  I also have a hard time letting her cry it out because that means she will roll onto her tummy and not fall asleep.  So I've been rocking her.  I'm thinking I can go back to the crying it out method once she is able to roll both ways.  At some point she'll need to learn to soothe herself.  It worked really well before she could roll, but now that she can roll it's a different story.  But, I'm thinking in another month or so she'll be rolling both ways and this issue will be irrelevant.  All that said, she is sleeping about 8-10 hours at night, with 2-3 naps during the day.

Kinsey found her voice this month.  She learned to squeal and shriek.  She hasn't been doing it as much lately as when she first discovered it. 

One thing about Kinsey right now is that she is all smiles.  We saw the birth mother and her family on Sunday for a couple hours.  The whole time everyone was holding her she was just smiling away!  It makes me smile when I think about her smiles!

This month we went to Lake Patagonia with some friends for the day.  It was really nice!  We went swimming and played a game.  Kinsey enjoyed the water and took a nap after that.  I didn't realize how pretty it is in that area.

We go swimming just about every day I am not working.  She loves it and splashes around with her hands and kicks her feet.  She doesn't care for sitting in the floaties too much but she is a little small for them anyways.  Once the weather gets cooler I'm not sure what we'll do!

Here are the pictures from the last month!

Month 5

Thankful Thursday

I'm enjoying Thankful Thursdays because it gets me to write every week, and since I have endless things to be thankful for, I can't see running out of something to say.

This week I have been thankful for how "easy" Kinsey is.  I get asked a bunch if she's ever fussy, which of course she is, but I like that Kinsey is usually happy.  I have also been blessed in the area of sleep, because she still sleeps 9-10 hours at night and naps 3-4 times a day, without much fuss.

It's incredibly tempting to wonder when it will get tough.  I would rather just be thankful for how things are right now than worry about what is to come.  That's such a negative outlook, but it seems to come so naturally.

Since we're on the topic of her, in true Sarah fashion, here is a recent picture!  More to come on Tuesday when she hits 5 months!

Thankful Thursday

Yesterday I forgot to call my Dad to wish him happy birthday until it was too late (time difference), Kinsey was up at 4am this morning so I am tired and hurting, and tonight I'm not at all motivated to make dinner.  I'm not exactly having a happy-yay-jump-for-joy kind of day.

These are the days that make me think of my friend, Leatrice, and my co-worker, Janice.  Both have had Lupus for a while.  Leatrice seems to have endless motivation to go to social activities, plan fun things to do with her daughter, cook, and be crafty.  Janice is so faithful about coming to work and working so hard despite her advanced illness.  Whatever illness I have is not nearly as advanced as theirs, and yet I struggle to envision myself doing all the things they do with such determination.

I'm thankful they are in my life, to give me inspiration and hope on days like these.

Thoughts on Being a Part-Time Working Mom

It's not as bad as I thought it would be.  Sure, it was difficult at first and I went pretty much kicking and screaming, but now that I have a couple months under my belt I've realized I can handle it.  I think I even like my job a little bit more now.

Would I rather stay at home and not work at all?  I don't quite know the answer to that.  I do know that I'm very satisfied with working part time.  I get days to stay home and be with Kinsey all day.  Those days really are such a treasure.  I'm pretty sure I appreciate my time with her more than I did before I started working.  Then other days I get to go and be out in the working world.  I get to pursue the calling God gave me to become a nurse.  Our babysitter is so loving and I am so thankful for her.  The whole situation feels very God-designed specially for us!

My Beautiful Story

I've been having some second thoughts about a blog I posted a while ago, Woe Is Not Me--Reflections on Infertility After Adoption.  Not because of what I wrote, but because of how it was perceived.  So I keep going back to it, rereading it, and wondering if I should have worded things differently.  But the more I read it, the more excited I get about the path my life has taken, its twists and turns, and how much I have learned about strength.  I find it to be a beautiful story of redemption, and what's so cool, is that it's my beautiful story!  Sometimes I don't feel like my life is anything to write about, (literally!) but it is! 

May all of you have moments where you can see the beauty in your own story.

Questions

The last three days have been absolutely wonderful.  I have had very minimal pain, and it has been intermittent, not constant.  I feel like I have energy.  I don't feel sick.  I love it.

I don't know why, and I know asking questions can just breed frustration, but I still am.  Is it medication?  Is it because people prayed?  Will it come back?  When? 

I expected this would be a long-suffering issue.  It may.  It may not.  But I'm praising God for this day.  If it becomes a long-suffering issue, I hope I remember that I can have the strength to praise God for days I suffer and days I don't. 

Might as well throw in a cute picture of Kinsey while I'm at it:

Thankful Thursday

I've had about three weeks at home now without working much.  I was only scheduled for Fridays the last few weeks, so I was able to spend lots of time at home, with Kinsey, and with friends.  As I head into a much busier next week, I can be thankful I have had lots of relaxation time to prepare myself.  Instead of complaining about going into work (like my instincts urge me to), I can be thankful for the time I was able to spend enjoying some freedom and quality time with family and friends.

Lupus Or Something Like It

Since I want my blog to be as transparent as is appropriate for the Internet, I decided tonight I would discuss my health.  I have no desire to be a blogger complainer.  Blogging allows us to connect in ways that person-to-person can't.  It is sort of like letter writing in the old days, just for a more broad audience.  So writing about my health will be about the same thing.  Hoping others can learn something through my eyes, while I learn at the same time through introspection.

My first symptom of unknown origin started a year ago with headaches.  I had them for several months; no tests showed any cause.  Then for a while I was having chest tightness, and I blamed it on anxiety.  I'd always had cold hands and feet that would turn purple, even when everyone else seemed to be warm and comfortable.  My joints started bothering me to a greater degree gradually over the last year.  I'd had joint pains intermittently for years, but I blamed it on gymnastics in my elementary years.  Finally, in February, my pain became a life-altering issue.  That's what I initially went to see my doctor for.  The more we talked about it, the more the symptoms seemed to come together and seem less isolated and more possibly related.  He had me tested for some basic autoimmune disorders, which came back negative.  He explained that the tests were not definitive, and sometimes in early stages tests can come back negative but later become positive.  He referred me to a rheumatologist.

The rheumatologist sent me for more lab tests, which apparently some came back positive.  I don't know what they are yet, I'll find out this week hopefully.  So now I have been started on a medication that is used to treat Lupus (if you're really interested, read all about it on http://www.lupus.org/).  So we don't know yet if it's Lupus, but we're going to go ahead for now as if it is, and see if the medication helps any.  That could take a couple of months.

In the meantime, I want to complain all day.  But as the days pass and my symptoms do not lessen, I am more aware of the fact that I have two choices:  I can accept this without complaint or I can complain and make things worse emotionally. 

Acceptance is the only logical choice.  Oh, I'm sure I'll complain plenty, but it won't be my overall desire.  My overall desire is to understand that my life is in God's hands, and He has a bigger picture I cannot see.  That bigger picture I am assured is a good one.