Lupus Or Something Like It

Since I want my blog to be as transparent as is appropriate for the Internet, I decided tonight I would discuss my health.  I have no desire to be a blogger complainer.  Blogging allows us to connect in ways that person-to-person can't.  It is sort of like letter writing in the old days, just for a more broad audience.  So writing about my health will be about the same thing.  Hoping others can learn something through my eyes, while I learn at the same time through introspection.

My first symptom of unknown origin started a year ago with headaches.  I had them for several months; no tests showed any cause.  Then for a while I was having chest tightness, and I blamed it on anxiety.  I'd always had cold hands and feet that would turn purple, even when everyone else seemed to be warm and comfortable.  My joints started bothering me to a greater degree gradually over the last year.  I'd had joint pains intermittently for years, but I blamed it on gymnastics in my elementary years.  Finally, in February, my pain became a life-altering issue.  That's what I initially went to see my doctor for.  The more we talked about it, the more the symptoms seemed to come together and seem less isolated and more possibly related.  He had me tested for some basic autoimmune disorders, which came back negative.  He explained that the tests were not definitive, and sometimes in early stages tests can come back negative but later become positive.  He referred me to a rheumatologist.

The rheumatologist sent me for more lab tests, which apparently some came back positive.  I don't know what they are yet, I'll find out this week hopefully.  So now I have been started on a medication that is used to treat Lupus (if you're really interested, read all about it on http://www.lupus.org/).  So we don't know yet if it's Lupus, but we're going to go ahead for now as if it is, and see if the medication helps any.  That could take a couple of months.

In the meantime, I want to complain all day.  But as the days pass and my symptoms do not lessen, I am more aware of the fact that I have two choices:  I can accept this without complaint or I can complain and make things worse emotionally. 

Acceptance is the only logical choice.  Oh, I'm sure I'll complain plenty, but it won't be my overall desire.  My overall desire is to understand that my life is in God's hands, and He has a bigger picture I cannot see.  That bigger picture I am assured is a good one.