Sunday, August 24, 2008

It's Not 1am!

I am blogging, and it isn't 1 am! Something is out of the ordinary, here. I am having difficulty sleeping though. But alas, I have taken a sleeping pill and I am blogging, which are my two insomnia remedies!

I haven't had any one light bulb moment recently, which is why I haven't written anything much lately. So I will just ramble about my life and family life in general.

Mom is currently with my half-sister in Vietnam helping her go through the process of adopting a baby.

My sister is soon to have her own baby in October, which is going to come fast. David and I will be visiting her in November when we go back East.

David and I hosted a party for my co-workers on Saturday, which turned out really well.

David is thinking about joining the Border Patrol after retirement in a couple of years instead of becoming a cop. I think that's kind of exciting.

Work is still going well. It is still stress free. There are a few relationships that are strained there because of cliques, but nothing that keeps me awake at night. It's just part of a work environment and part of being around other human beings. I have bonded with one girl in particular there which has been really fun and always a good feeling to gain another friend.

David and I took a trip to Sedona last weekend and had a really nice time. We stayed at a bed and breakfast which was a new experience for both of us. It was really nice, minus the gourmet breakfast! I'm just not into things like eggs benedict. A bowl of cereal or at the most scrambled eggs and bacon, and I'm good! So maybe at our next bed and breakfast we'll try to get a special order or we'll find one that serves something simple...although that is probably hard to find.

Our small group of young married couples has grown to a point where we have decided to break off into at least 2 smaller groups right now. It's heartbreaking for me on one hand because there will be five other girls that I would normally see on an almost weekly basis that I won't see nearly as often anymore. But on the other hand I'm very excited to be part of a new group and get to know two more couples better.

And finally, I ate too many cookies today. Time for a renewed sense of diet, health, and exercise.

Saturday, August 9, 2008


Sometimes I get into personality profiles, and sometimes I find the questions too confining. But it is midnight and even though I was super sleepy all day, I find myself unable to fall asleep. So, I thought for fun I would do the personality profile that Rachael mentioned on this website. Here are the results and my thoughts:

The Performer

You are a natural performer and happiest when you're entertaining others: Very true, I LOVE entertaining people at the house.

A great friend, you are generous, fun-loving and optimistic: I'd say I'm generous--I often pay for others when I go out or if someone is in need I like to give what I can to ease their burden. I'm not sure about fun-loving; I'm sure sometimes I am but other times I am more serious in friendships. I think I am optimistic for others because I don't want to be the one to bring them down, even if the down side of a situation may be very real and possible.

You love to laugh - and you like almost all people equally. I do love to laugh, but I can't say I like almost all people equally. I wish I liked all people equally and could appreciate more those I'm not so keen on. This is something I need to ponder.

You accept life as it is, and you do your best to make each day fantastic: I really don't know about this one...I'd have to ponder it more...maybe sometime other than midnight.

In love, you are a smooth talker and incorrigible flirt.
While you get into relationships easily, you don't tend to stick around when times get tough: Again, I don't know how to respond to either of these.

At work, you do well in groups. You keep everyone laughing through difficult tasks.
You would make a good actor, designer, or counselor: I disagree with keeping everyone laughing through difficult tasks. I enjoy laughing in appropriate situations but when I have a task to do, I like to work hard to get it done if I'm on a deadline. If there's no deadline then I may be inclined to keep the situation light but I would generally help keep things light if others are doing the same. I'm not one to stand out at work; I try to do my job well most of the time. If others are laughing then I'll go along with it and have a great time, and try to create laughter myself. But if others are serious, I won't try to change their mood. I think I could be an ok actor. I think I'd make a terrible designer because I don't see myself as inherently creative. I think I would make a good counselor.

How you see yourself: Capable, fair, and efficient: Yes, Yes, and Yes. But that's pretty generic.

When other people don't get you, they see you as: Incompetent, stubborn, and silly: At work there is one girl in particular that I think sees me as incompetent, and I don't think she gets me. I have a few friends that might see me as stubborn, although I'd say they get me. I don't think that silly is quite accurate though. I think some who don't "get" me might see me as serious and others might see me as pretentious.

Monday, August 4, 2008

Having Friends

Never in my life have I had as many close friends as I do now. In gradeschool my parents actually bought a house in a new town when I was in fifth grade because I was getting picked on too much and didn't have many friends. I'm not completely sure why it was this way in gradeschool, but in general I don't think I was a very friendly child. I didn't learn much about being friendly until I went to college. In high school I had a few friends but only one that I thought really wanted to be with me or that really cared much about me. I just never seemed to fit in, and I still wasn't all that friendly of a person. In college I thought I had lots of acquaintances, but only a couple friends. I had very low self-esteem in college, so whether I had friends or not it never seemed like it. Also, in college I didn't date much and my friends did...so that left me as a third wheel often. Praise God for good counseling at the end of my senior year in college. Had I not been able to realize a few key truths, moving 2000 miles away from friends and family would likely have put me in a huge downward spiral. I met David 6 months after graduating from college, he took the place of the "friend" emptyness I had always felt.

But it wasn't until 2006 when David and I joined our small group of young married couples at church that I started to have more and closer friends. It certainly took several months to be able to feel close with them, but that's part of meeting new people and taking time to get to know them. Compared to some friendships my relationships with these girls may not be considered all that close, and I assume this is true only because I've heard a few girls in our group comment about how much they miss having the close friends they had back home, in college, growing up, etc. For me, not ever having had the type of friendships I have now makes me so appreciate what I have. I don't feel lonely anymore, like I did most of my life.

So, why? Well the whole self-esteem thing is a big factor I'm sure. One of the first things my counselor told me in college was that I would have more friends once I started enjoying who I was. Until I enjoyed who I was, I wouldn't feel comfortable around other people, and people in turn wouldn't feel comfortable around me. He was right. God has taught me lessons about love over the last several years that have made me mostly happy most of the time with who I am. So I can enjoy life with and around others.

Along with that, getting over fear of rejection has also made a difference in being able to be close with friends. I rarely asked others to do things with me until the last couple of years. I was afraid of either rejection or afraid that whatever I planned would not turn out to be fun and I would be responsible for someone else not having a good time. I think one reason God gave me David is to help me learn not to fear these things so much.

I'm always wondering when I meet people if they have many friends. If I think they don't, it makes me really really sad. I know what it's like, and it sucks!

For whatever reason it is 3am and I have not been able to sleep for the last hour and a half. But at least I am awake and thankful of something, rather than awake and angry at something!