Finding faults in others is something I find myself doing way more often than I'd like to admit. I'm currently reading Sacred Marriage by Gary Thomas. I started reading it because I've been wanting to read a good book and it was the only one on the shelf I haven't read completely through. And I've been too lazy to make it to the library. I had to persevere through the beginning of the book because it didn't say much I haven't heard a million times. But now that I'm about halfway through I'm glad I kept with it. This quote--"possessing the knowledge of someone's sin is a powerful and dangerous thing," struck a cord with me.
So much of marriage discussion in church revolves around focusing on yourself and your relationship with God. We're told to look at ourselves and find how we can depend on God and not our spouse for our fulfillment. We're encouraged to serve rather than focus on being served. Blah, blah, blah. All that is well and good, but I've heard it a million times!
The quote struck a cord because I realize that when I have a bone to pick with David, it is because I see some sort of "sin" in him that bothers me. But seeing that IS dangerous, because then I can blame my own shortcomings on him. His sin becomes a scapegoat for my own sin. My own sin exists apart from him, but because I can see his I then link my actions and feelings to his sin rather than separating my sin from his and turning to God for forgiveness, grace, and change.
This doesn't just apply to David, either. I do this with friends. I've been sort of proud of being the person who brings up what everyone else is thinking but won't say for fear of causing hurt feelings. I feel like I'm being brave and standing up for myself and everyone else, but I need to start evaluating this and realize that I can't blame my situation or frustration on anyone but myself.