Tuesday, September 15, 2009

I Promise It's Not That Exciting

The adoption news, that is. Last week we asked our case worker what number in line we were in the waiting families book, and how many times we've been shown. Currently, we're number 5. As I've explained in previous posts, being number 5 doesn't mean the 5th baby that comes along will be ours. It just means that there are four couples who have been waiting longer than we have. I was a little bit surprised that we weren't further along, but then again the number "5" is kind of arbitrary since adoptions don't go in order. When a baby comes along, it doesn't matter how long the couple has been waiting if preferences don't match.

She also let us know that we've been considered 4 times since April. Ouch!!! That was hard to hear at first, because I felt completely rejected. I'm over that feeling now. And you could still tell me a million times that when the baby God has for us comes along, it will all make sense. Well that's all fine and good and I know it's true but I'm not one to keep trying to convince myself of something that is too difficult to grasp until it happens. I feel good about things right now though, so no need to worry about me today. I actually feel as though I've been given this time to learn how to appreciate and take advantage of the time I have.

I've had a hard time with the job transition lately. It seems slightly impossible to be able to enjoy this time of waiting when 36 hours a week is spent doing something I'm not passionate about with people that are difficult to be around. I don't want to leave my job, but frankly I'm not excited about having to spend the majority of this time I've been given in a place that zaps me off all the energy I have for the time I don't work. So my short term solution is to work only 32 hours instead of 36. That means I'll get one day off a week instead of just a half day. It will give me something more to look forward to. I used to take a full day off every other week and it was great. Only having a half day is not really good because I just come home from work exhausted and can't really take advantage of the time off because I just want to sleep the whole time. This is kind of a mundane detail of my life to be blogging about, but putting it on paper gives me relief!

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