An Aside

I really wanted to document the adoption process in chronological order, but I can't get what I want to write about out of my head. So I will continue with the entries about the adoption classes in the next post.

As I write this I am babysitting my dear friend Leatrice's baby. I have not struggled to be around Leatrice or her baby. I think this is because we became close friends as we shared our difficulty getting pregnant at the same time. I was so happy for her when she found out she was pregnant because I knew she had waited and struggled for so long. Babysitting for her is no big deal. However, I think I am starting to get over my issue with not wanting to be around other pregnant women. I figured it would come eventually but I thought not until after we had our baby. In past entries I have written how hard it is to be around moms and their babies or pregnant women, and how hard it can be to look at facebook every day only to find another friend announcing her pregnancy.

But something started to change in me about a week ago. We went out with some friends who are in the middle of selling two houses and buying another. They have three kids. They both admitted to being stressed out. I didn't envy them. We recently refinanced and that alone was annoying. I remember buying our house and what a hassle it was. So I can't imagine trying to sell two houses and buy another at the same time. The thought crossed my mind that if I was them, I would be looking at me thinking how nice it would be that the only major stress in my life right now would be waiting on a baby. All the work is complete, we are simply waiting for a phone call. I think I envy myself right now--is that possible?!

I also recently had two pregnant friends reach out to me by email just to tell me they acknowledged what I'm going through and that though they don't understand, they want to be there for me however they can. They wrote this even knowing I haven't wanted to be around them. It must suck to be friends with someone who doesn't want to be around you for no fault of your own. Anyways, it was touching, and I think it helped.