Today was one of those days I just wanted to redo. Specifically, Kinsey's dedication at church. There were quite a few people that came and when I first let people know, I didn't expect very many people to come, so I didn't even tell too many people other than family and our life group. We actually filled two full rows up. Kinsey was a peach all day, and I expected her just to hang out in my arms on stage till the dedication was over. She had other plans. She wanted to grab the baby (2 months old) next to her's flower in her hair, then when I let her down she wanted to go go go. Well that would have been fine except for the two foot drop off the stage, which wouldn't have been a pretty sight. So David and I tried to keep her contained and there was a LOT of protesting. I have no idea what the pastor was saying really so it's a good thing they give us a list of what we committed to doing as parents afterwards! Really, it was fine. It's not like the actual event of the dedication is what makes us commit to raising Kinsey in a Godly manner, it's more just a public proclamation of what we have already decided to do.
Then, what probably is bothering me more has to do with the fact the service went about 20 minutes over what it normally runs because the sermon was extra long, and some of our guests had a party to go to afterward. So I feel bad about that. I've told everyone how much I love this church and of course tonight was not a night I loved, so naturally I'm feeling like a big fat liar. I really expected and hoped people would be as blown away as I have been since I have been going. I KNOW that God means for things to happen in ways that bring Him glory (even things that are evil! Genesis 50:20, but sometimes it hard to TRUST, because I don't always UNDERSTAND. I should be saying that even though I may not have been impacted nor even my friends, certainly God had people who needed to hear what was being said and probably even needed the sermon to be long so they would get what God wanted to say to them. Or not! He could have plans totally not even in my realm of thinking!
I like the song "My Own Little World" by Matthew West, here are some of the parts of the song I really like and that I need to let sink in right now:
In my own little world it hardly ever rains
I've never gone hungry, always felt safe
I got some money in my pocket, shoes on my feet
In my own little world, population: me
I try to stay awake during Sunday morning church
I throw a twenty in the plate but I never give 'til it hurts
And I turn off the news when I don't like what I see
Yeah, it's easy to do when it's population: me
What if there's a bigger picture?
What if I'm missing out?
What if there's a greater purpose?
I could be living right now
Outside my own little world
And this especially:
Father, break my heart for what breaks Yours
Give me open hands and open doors
Put Your light in my eyes and let me see
That my own little world is not about me
So I really don't need a mulligan. Kinsey's behavior didn't bother me at all. It actually makes me laugh (and finally show people that she's not always an angel!). As for the service, I need to let it go and realize it's not about population me-and-my-friends or me-and-my-pride. I think I'm getting some therapy from writing this blog too.
I will post some pictures of a not-so-happy Kinsey on this "special" day soon :)