Monday, June 22, 2009

Oh What a Day!

Today started out very normal. I asked David to wake me up at 6 so I could go for a walk with the dogs. As usual he woke me up and I changed my mind and went back to bed! Then I went to work and everything was so normal. Then, I find out mid-morning that an acquaintance's husband died this weekend. He was 31. I was totally heartbroken even though I had never met him. I didn't really know my acquaintance all that well either. It just hit me like a ton of bricks.

I was also told today I had to censor some of what I say in this blog. That frustrated me, because this blog is all about honesty and openness. I want to be completely transparent. I want to be transparent for my friends, so they can see what I'm going through. I want to be transparent to people who are thinking about adoption, because I think shared experiences are important. And I even want to be transparent for birth moms who might read this, because there are so many facets to adoption. It's one of those things that even though I understand where the censorship is coming from, it's not a good feeling to know that I can't write about everything the way that I think is best and honest.

On top of all that of course I've been feeling discouraged about not having a baby yet. I'm not actually discouraged about the time it's taken so far for the adoption. I think I'm more discouraged about the time it possibly could take. I'm discouraged for David, that he is almost 37 and has waited even longer than I have for this.

My co-worker let me go home early today because she knew I was having a hard day. I came home feeling very, very discouraged. But David and I talked about how important it is for us to really "live life" right now. We don't really know what that means, but we're praying that we'll find out soon!


Leatrice said...

Why do you have to censor what you write? Who told you that?

Katie Sue said...

Sarah, I'm so so sorry. Censorship is an ugly, hurtful thing. I know from personal experience. If you want to talk about it please feel free to call me.

In addition, I totally admire how honest you are, about the adoption topic, but also about where your heart is right now. I can't imagine how difficult the waiting must be. I will pray that God will bless your time without the baby to even more richly bless the time when the baby comes.

Covering you in prayer dear friend!