Sunday, October 19, 2008
TheNext Big Thing
I'm back to the feeling of missing something. I live my life just waiting for the next "big thing" to happen. Right now I have been living my life waiting to get pregnant and have a baby. There is no telling when/if that will happen. David and I are considering adoption but that would probably take a couple years. In the meantime I do not want to keep living my life just waiting for it to happen. I want to take hold of what I have in front of me now. I'm not sure what that looks or feels like. I don't want to be consumed by what I desire but by what I have. I want to find out why I have a sense of emptiness when I think about how I spend my time.
Saturday, October 11, 2008
My love/hate relationship
I have a love/hate relationship with change. On one hand, I love the excitement that comes with the unknown. That would probably explain why I decided to move 2000 miles away after graduating from college when I had the option of staying put or only moving 100 miles away. I enjoy thinking about the potential greatness that can come with change...new experiences and new people especially.
On the other hand, I hate the worry that comes with change. It puts me in a depressed mood.
Things are likely to change with David's job very soon. Which will mean inevitable major changes. I have come to enjoy his extremely flexible schedule, despite the many late nights he has. Last night I was worrying about who will take our dogs to the vet when his schedule won't allow him to take time off in the middle of the day? It's things like that which make me hate change.
He will probably have to deploy sometime in the near future, also. He wants to, as his duty calls, and for that I am excited for him. But what if I get pregnant and he's gone for the birth?? Eeek.
On a totally different note, this morning I woke up and found we had somehow left the garage door open all night. That alone kind of sucks but fortunately everything seems intact. What is truly amazing is that I went to the garage to feed the dogs and found both dogs right at the door to greet me. They normally have free access to the living room/kitchen, garage, and side yard with our doggie door. Last night they had free access to the world, yet they chose to stay home. Who knows what they may have explored through the night, but words can't describe how thankful I am that they didn't run off and get lost. WOW.
On the other hand, I hate the worry that comes with change. It puts me in a depressed mood.
Things are likely to change with David's job very soon. Which will mean inevitable major changes. I have come to enjoy his extremely flexible schedule, despite the many late nights he has. Last night I was worrying about who will take our dogs to the vet when his schedule won't allow him to take time off in the middle of the day? It's things like that which make me hate change.
He will probably have to deploy sometime in the near future, also. He wants to, as his duty calls, and for that I am excited for him. But what if I get pregnant and he's gone for the birth?? Eeek.
On a totally different note, this morning I woke up and found we had somehow left the garage door open all night. That alone kind of sucks but fortunately everything seems intact. What is truly amazing is that I went to the garage to feed the dogs and found both dogs right at the door to greet me. They normally have free access to the living room/kitchen, garage, and side yard with our doggie door. Last night they had free access to the world, yet they chose to stay home. Who knows what they may have explored through the night, but words can't describe how thankful I am that they didn't run off and get lost. WOW.
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