It's a No-Go

I didn't get the job.

I have an interview at a dialysis center on Wednesday. Not quite the same as mother/baby, but the benefit is the hours/days. It's M-F, 7-3:30.

Interview Update

I went to the interview today and it was great! But, she is interviewing another candidate on Monday. Then the manager goes on vacation. So she said I should know by the week after next and if I don't hear by the 28th then to call. So I have no idea if I'll get the job--I think the interview went well but the other candidate could have more experience. So I'm not getting my hopes up because I know this could go either way, but at least the interview went well!

Interview

YAY! I have an interview next Friday at TMC for a position in mother/baby. I'm SO excited! So please pray for me :)

My New Plan

1. Not make any committments between the hours of 9:30am and 5:30pm. My 9:30am is like everyone else's 9:30pm.
2. Go see my parents for a VACATION.
3. Do something girly for myself once a week.

Pressure

I'm getting tired of pressure coming from all sides. I need to take a hard look at my responsibilities and make some more decisions (oh, my favorite). I was told by a good friend of mine a couple weeks ago that she can't count on me to do what I say I'm going to do because I often back out or cancel. Today I backed out of an important obligation because, of all things, I was tired. I let other people down, I let my husband down, and I let myself down.

Working nights is hard. I like it, but it doesn't make the rest of my life very easy. Working full time gives us a comfort zone financially, but again, it puts a huge strain on the rest of my life because of the hours and the stress. I am weak; and I should just admit that I know I am weak and make fewer obligations and make sacrifices where they need to be made.

Balance is so hard.

"The Air Force is crazy..."

David and I were talking with a certain acquaintance on Thursday and he had some interesting points of view about the military. He said flat out, as I wrote in the title, that the Air Force is crazy. And working for the Air Force, you either buy into this craziness, learn to recognize the craziness and find balance, or throw your hands up and become lazy and uncaring. The hardest of those three, of course, is to find balance.

So why is the Air Force crazy? I'm thankful that I worked at least as a civilian for the Air Force for about 4 years, so at least I know some of what my husband faces every day. First of all, the military is a factory whose end product is war. The slogan, "Fly, fight, and win" sums it up pretty well. I don't really want to go into the politics of producing war, partly because I don't want to sound "anti-war" and partly because the idea of the war as a product is hard to wrap my mind around.

Secondly, the Air Force is crazy because of its unrelenting drive for near perfection in every aspect of its "factory". This I remember from experience and I can also sense it from the stories David tells. Another slogan that hints at this craziness is, "Integrity first, service before self, excellence in all we do." I don't mind the integrity first part, but the other two can make one go off the deep end if not careful.

Finally, craziness is as craziness does. Some people become brainwashed into the military ideals. If there weren't people that signed on to this craziness, I don't know that the military could do what it does and protect our country in the manner it is able to now. So it's a bit of a catch-22.

For a long time I have been in love with the military. I'm sure a lot of that has to do with my own perfectionist tendencies; the military seemed to go right along with my personality. My love affair is dying, though. Perfectionism eventually leads to disappointment and dissatisfaction. In the military it can suck the life out of the men and women as they strive and strive and are pushed to strive some more and keep producing, like a machine. Problem is, a machine will eventually break down, just like us. Perfectionism in my own life does the same thing.

Don't get me wrong--I'm so thankful for the job security David has enjoyed, endless opportunities, and of course the long list of benefits we enjoy being part of the military. I'm proud of my husband for his dedication and service. That will never die.