I have been waiting to post this blog until I took pictures, but it is 10pm and I'm waiting for my sleeping pill to kick in, so I figured I'd go ahead and post without pictures. Then hopefully I will get the gumption (is that a word??) to post pictures tomorrow-ish.
From what I've read, deciding to set up a nursery for an adoptive couple is a very personal choice. On one hand, having a nursery with no baby in sight is like buying a lawn mower for a yard with no grass. Some women can't bear the thought of having to see the nursery and not know when a baby might be there to fill it. For others, it gives hope. For a while, there was no way you could get me to think about setting up a nursery. But the idea of it grew on me, so finally a few weeks ago we set up a pack and play that has a bassinet attached to it. We put the few baby items we have in the room, and cleaned the room out of anything non-baby. So we have wipes, bottles, a couple cans of formula, and one baby blanket to not-so-fill the cabinets.
The morning after we set up the room, I woke up and passed by the room only to notice the bassinet had an occupant--our cat, Phoebe! It was the cutest thing! So if nothing else, at least she is able to use it!
I say we emptied the room of all non-baby items. That was true, until yesterday. David decided he wanted to learn how to play the drums so he bought a drum set, and decided the nursery was a good place for it. Ha! I was talking to Cara online yesterday and she said, "Well what nursery wouldn't be complete without a drum set?" Double Ha!
Tuesday, June 30, 2009
Saturday, June 27, 2009
Prime
I'm watching the movie, Prime as I write this. It's been a while since I've seen this movie. It's my favorite movie and it makes me smile. So here is #6 on my list of favorites:
Tuesday, June 23, 2009
My Favorite Things
In my effort to live in the moment this afternoon, I decided to go for a swim after I got home from work and the dentist. While I was swimming, the chorus of the song that came in my head was "Seize the Day" by Carolyn Arends:
Seize the day, seize whatever you can
'Cause life slips away just like hourglass sand
Seize the day, pray for grace from God's hand
Then nothing will stand in your way
Seize the day
I was thinking that I need to remember that I have favorite things that can help me seize the day. Lately all I can think about is doom and gloom! It consumes my mind. When it's not consuming my mind then my mind is just on mundane things, like going to work or getting the kitchen counter cleaned. I was suddenly inspired while swimming to write a list of my favorite things I can remember I have when my mind is consumed by gloom. I easily forget that there are things that make me smile!
Sarah's Favorite Things (in no particular order):
1. Baskin Robbins' chocolate peanut butter ice cream
2. Indoor rock climbing
3. Taking the dogs to the dog park
4. My rose garden
5. Swimming in my pool when it's really hot outside (like today)
Since I went swimming this afternoon, I guess I better go clean the kitchen counter...
Monday, June 22, 2009
Oh What a Day!
Today started out very normal. I asked David to wake me up at 6 so I could go for a walk with the dogs. As usual he woke me up and I changed my mind and went back to bed! Then I went to work and everything was so normal. Then, I find out mid-morning that an acquaintance's husband died this weekend. He was 31. I was totally heartbroken even though I had never met him. I didn't really know my acquaintance all that well either. It just hit me like a ton of bricks.
I was also told today I had to censor some of what I say in this blog. That frustrated me, because this blog is all about honesty and openness. I want to be completely transparent. I want to be transparent for my friends, so they can see what I'm going through. I want to be transparent to people who are thinking about adoption, because I think shared experiences are important. And I even want to be transparent for birth moms who might read this, because there are so many facets to adoption. It's one of those things that even though I understand where the censorship is coming from, it's not a good feeling to know that I can't write about everything the way that I think is best and honest.
On top of all that of course I've been feeling discouraged about not having a baby yet. I'm not actually discouraged about the time it's taken so far for the adoption. I think I'm more discouraged about the time it possibly could take. I'm discouraged for David, that he is almost 37 and has waited even longer than I have for this.
My co-worker let me go home early today because she knew I was having a hard day. I came home feeling very, very discouraged. But David and I talked about how important it is for us to really "live life" right now. We don't really know what that means, but we're praying that we'll find out soon!
I was also told today I had to censor some of what I say in this blog. That frustrated me, because this blog is all about honesty and openness. I want to be completely transparent. I want to be transparent for my friends, so they can see what I'm going through. I want to be transparent to people who are thinking about adoption, because I think shared experiences are important. And I even want to be transparent for birth moms who might read this, because there are so many facets to adoption. It's one of those things that even though I understand where the censorship is coming from, it's not a good feeling to know that I can't write about everything the way that I think is best and honest.
On top of all that of course I've been feeling discouraged about not having a baby yet. I'm not actually discouraged about the time it's taken so far for the adoption. I think I'm more discouraged about the time it possibly could take. I'm discouraged for David, that he is almost 37 and has waited even longer than I have for this.
My co-worker let me go home early today because she knew I was having a hard day. I came home feeling very, very discouraged. But David and I talked about how important it is for us to really "live life" right now. We don't really know what that means, but we're praying that we'll find out soon!
Sunday, June 21, 2009
Father's Day Blues--Post from David
I often thought throughout my life that when I was in my 30's I would already have children and a purpose in life. Now that I ponder being 37 next month, I often ask myself, "Will I ever be a father?" Up until 3 years ago, I had my own father to wish Happy Father's Day to, and deep down I thought that by this time I would be a father, but the Lord has not seen it fit for us to be parents yet. So to put it in a nutshell, waiting on this adoption sucks! I battle every day with the disappointment of not getting a phone call or update, or any hope that our adoption might happen soon. If nothing else, I guess I can be a father to our two dogs and cat (but not biological, ha).
I guess I have to take back all the bad things I said about blogging; this blogging is fun. I think next, I'll twitter, whenever I figure out what that is...
I guess I have to take back all the bad things I said about blogging; this blogging is fun. I think next, I'll twitter, whenever I figure out what that is...
Friday, June 19, 2009
News on the Assignment
It was canceled! Woo hoo! I feel relief. However, there is still a good possibility that we could get another assignment at any time. Usually assignments are given six months before you have to move. So I figure we have at least six months to hopefully get our baby.
Thursday, June 18, 2009
Since Then
This will be the last bit of catching up I have to do, so from next post on everything will be current. Since we're waiting, I'm sure I'll have more to post about than just the adoption.
About the first two weeks after we finished our interviews, David and I were on pins and needles wondering when we might get a phone call from our agency. As I mentioned before our case worker said it would "probably happen pretty fast." We met a couple in our class who had switched agencies so they already had all their paperwork finished. I think it only took them a month or two before they got their baby. So because of that we were thinking it would also take a month or two. Well, it's been a little over two months of waiting, so obviously our timing wasn't quite right! I heard somewhere that if you want to make God laugh, tell him your plans. God must be laughing a lot because of us!
We did get a phone call on Memorial Day weekend that our profile was being shown to a birth mother who had just given birth and was in the hospital. We got the phone call from our case worker at about 7:30 pm and were told that she was planning on making a decision that night. If we were chose, we would be picking up the baby girl from the hospital the next day. We didn't get a call that night, so we assumed we weren't chosen. The next day at about 1 pm our case worker called and said we weren't chosen. The birth mother chose a couple who already had a child--I'm not sure if the first child was adopted or "homemade." Anyways, we were a little bummed of course but not as much as I imagined we'd be when we got into this. It just wasn't "our" baby.
After that phone call our case worker told us she wouldn't call to let us know if we were being shown anymore, she would just call us when we were chosen. I'm not sure that I like that idea. I think I'd rather at least know that our profile is out there. So David and I decided we'd email her every week or two to find out if we had been shown. We've only done that once since Memorial Day weekend, and our case worker told us that they are expecting a couple of babies later on in the year but nothing else going on right now. Apparently there are 10 couples waiting now.
We both go back and forth on how anxious/disappointed we are during this waiting period. Sometimes we're totally ok with the time it's taking, and sometimes we are pretty down in the dumps about it. Right now what is scary for me is that David has orders to move to Maryland in September. We're hoping the assignment will get cancelled because we found out last week that David was promoted during the last promotion cycle. The job that is in Maryland is for someone in his current rank, but since he will be moving up a rank, he's been told that they wouldn't want him for that position anymore. If it doesn't get cancelled and if we haven't adopted by then, well, that just sucks. We'll have to start all over if we move and that means a longer wait. Plus, one of the reasons I like our agency so much is because of the open adoption. I don't know that I'd want to adopt a baby here and then leave for two years if the birth mother is wanting an open adoption. I also don't think I'd want to adopt a baby in Maryland and then move away for the rest of our lives once David retires. So basically, I don't know anything! I don't know what we'd do, we'll just cross that bridge when we come to it.
About the first two weeks after we finished our interviews, David and I were on pins and needles wondering when we might get a phone call from our agency. As I mentioned before our case worker said it would "probably happen pretty fast." We met a couple in our class who had switched agencies so they already had all their paperwork finished. I think it only took them a month or two before they got their baby. So because of that we were thinking it would also take a month or two. Well, it's been a little over two months of waiting, so obviously our timing wasn't quite right! I heard somewhere that if you want to make God laugh, tell him your plans. God must be laughing a lot because of us!
We did get a phone call on Memorial Day weekend that our profile was being shown to a birth mother who had just given birth and was in the hospital. We got the phone call from our case worker at about 7:30 pm and were told that she was planning on making a decision that night. If we were chose, we would be picking up the baby girl from the hospital the next day. We didn't get a call that night, so we assumed we weren't chosen. The next day at about 1 pm our case worker called and said we weren't chosen. The birth mother chose a couple who already had a child--I'm not sure if the first child was adopted or "homemade." Anyways, we were a little bummed of course but not as much as I imagined we'd be when we got into this. It just wasn't "our" baby.
After that phone call our case worker told us she wouldn't call to let us know if we were being shown anymore, she would just call us when we were chosen. I'm not sure that I like that idea. I think I'd rather at least know that our profile is out there. So David and I decided we'd email her every week or two to find out if we had been shown. We've only done that once since Memorial Day weekend, and our case worker told us that they are expecting a couple of babies later on in the year but nothing else going on right now. Apparently there are 10 couples waiting now.
We both go back and forth on how anxious/disappointed we are during this waiting period. Sometimes we're totally ok with the time it's taking, and sometimes we are pretty down in the dumps about it. Right now what is scary for me is that David has orders to move to Maryland in September. We're hoping the assignment will get cancelled because we found out last week that David was promoted during the last promotion cycle. The job that is in Maryland is for someone in his current rank, but since he will be moving up a rank, he's been told that they wouldn't want him for that position anymore. If it doesn't get cancelled and if we haven't adopted by then, well, that just sucks. We'll have to start all over if we move and that means a longer wait. Plus, one of the reasons I like our agency so much is because of the open adoption. I don't know that I'd want to adopt a baby here and then leave for two years if the birth mother is wanting an open adoption. I also don't think I'd want to adopt a baby in Maryland and then move away for the rest of our lives once David retires. So basically, I don't know anything! I don't know what we'd do, we'll just cross that bridge when we come to it.
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