Sunday, October 19, 2008
TheNext Big Thing
I'm back to the feeling of missing something. I live my life just waiting for the next "big thing" to happen. Right now I have been living my life waiting to get pregnant and have a baby. There is no telling when/if that will happen. David and I are considering adoption but that would probably take a couple years. In the meantime I do not want to keep living my life just waiting for it to happen. I want to take hold of what I have in front of me now. I'm not sure what that looks or feels like. I don't want to be consumed by what I desire but by what I have. I want to find out why I have a sense of emptiness when I think about how I spend my time.
Saturday, October 11, 2008
My love/hate relationship
I have a love/hate relationship with change. On one hand, I love the excitement that comes with the unknown. That would probably explain why I decided to move 2000 miles away after graduating from college when I had the option of staying put or only moving 100 miles away. I enjoy thinking about the potential greatness that can come with change...new experiences and new people especially.
On the other hand, I hate the worry that comes with change. It puts me in a depressed mood.
Things are likely to change with David's job very soon. Which will mean inevitable major changes. I have come to enjoy his extremely flexible schedule, despite the many late nights he has. Last night I was worrying about who will take our dogs to the vet when his schedule won't allow him to take time off in the middle of the day? It's things like that which make me hate change.
He will probably have to deploy sometime in the near future, also. He wants to, as his duty calls, and for that I am excited for him. But what if I get pregnant and he's gone for the birth?? Eeek.
On a totally different note, this morning I woke up and found we had somehow left the garage door open all night. That alone kind of sucks but fortunately everything seems intact. What is truly amazing is that I went to the garage to feed the dogs and found both dogs right at the door to greet me. They normally have free access to the living room/kitchen, garage, and side yard with our doggie door. Last night they had free access to the world, yet they chose to stay home. Who knows what they may have explored through the night, but words can't describe how thankful I am that they didn't run off and get lost. WOW.
On the other hand, I hate the worry that comes with change. It puts me in a depressed mood.
Things are likely to change with David's job very soon. Which will mean inevitable major changes. I have come to enjoy his extremely flexible schedule, despite the many late nights he has. Last night I was worrying about who will take our dogs to the vet when his schedule won't allow him to take time off in the middle of the day? It's things like that which make me hate change.
He will probably have to deploy sometime in the near future, also. He wants to, as his duty calls, and for that I am excited for him. But what if I get pregnant and he's gone for the birth?? Eeek.
On a totally different note, this morning I woke up and found we had somehow left the garage door open all night. That alone kind of sucks but fortunately everything seems intact. What is truly amazing is that I went to the garage to feed the dogs and found both dogs right at the door to greet me. They normally have free access to the living room/kitchen, garage, and side yard with our doggie door. Last night they had free access to the world, yet they chose to stay home. Who knows what they may have explored through the night, but words can't describe how thankful I am that they didn't run off and get lost. WOW.
Wednesday, September 24, 2008
Good Grief
Who ever came up with that saying, "Good grief"? Well, whoever it was must have been pretty smart.
I don't remember having grieved much in my life. I grieved when my first serious relationship failed. When my father-in-law passed away I grieved for a time. It has been a while since I have grieved...until now. Since this is public I won't share on here exactly what I am grieving, but I can share what it's like. It's sad. Very, very sad. But it is also pushing me toward Christ in a way I haven't ever experienced. So because of that, I am blessed to be grieving. It's not the kind of blessing I'm jumping up and down for joy with, but the kind of blessing that will stay with me forever and have character-altering effects. So it's "good grief".
Thursday, September 18, 2008
Am I Missing Something?
I have a friend who is a teacher, is involved in our small group of young married couples, and is part of an outreach group in South Tucson. When she talks about being part of her outreach group, it makes me feel like I am missing something in my life. I have the feeling that there is something I could (or should?) be doing with my time that I'm not right now.
Currently, my time is spent by working, attending my small group (assuming I'm not sick, as was the case this week), hanging out with friends from that small group, hanging out with work friends, spending time at home or out with my husband, and spending time alone either out (usually shopping, the library, or working out) or at home (usually playing with the dogs, watching tv, on the computer, or cleaning).
It's funny that I can, in a way, sum up my life in one paragraph! When I read it, it sounds full. But when I'm at home and piddling around the house or spending what I judge to be way too much time on the computer or in front of the tv, that's when I often feel that I'm missing something.
Despite this feeling, I am satisfied in general with how I spend my time. I wonder though, am I missing something? Or is this simply the longing for complete fulfillment that will only come in Heaven?
Currently, my time is spent by working, attending my small group (assuming I'm not sick, as was the case this week), hanging out with friends from that small group, hanging out with work friends, spending time at home or out with my husband, and spending time alone either out (usually shopping, the library, or working out) or at home (usually playing with the dogs, watching tv, on the computer, or cleaning).
It's funny that I can, in a way, sum up my life in one paragraph! When I read it, it sounds full. But when I'm at home and piddling around the house or spending what I judge to be way too much time on the computer or in front of the tv, that's when I often feel that I'm missing something.
Despite this feeling, I am satisfied in general with how I spend my time. I wonder though, am I missing something? Or is this simply the longing for complete fulfillment that will only come in Heaven?
Tuesday, September 16, 2008
Inspiring
I have a friend from a mission trip I took in college who wrote this funny story on her myspace, and I have to share:
So, I am staying at my sisters', home of my darling nieces. My angelic niece, Aleah, came into the living room with a beautiful picture of a vase that she drew me. Wanting to expose her more to the Bible, I asked her to find a verse for me and put it on the bottom. What a great idea on my part!! I showed her where the Psalms were (can't go wrong with the Psalms), and she went back to her room to find the perfect verse to give to me.
A couple minutes later, she came back with this inspiring verse...
Arise, O Lord! Deliver me, O my God! Strike all my enemies on the jaw! Break the teeth of the wicked.
That's so...sweet.
So, I am staying at my sisters', home of my darling nieces. My angelic niece, Aleah, came into the living room with a beautiful picture of a vase that she drew me. Wanting to expose her more to the Bible, I asked her to find a verse for me and put it on the bottom. What a great idea on my part!! I showed her where the Psalms were (can't go wrong with the Psalms), and she went back to her room to find the perfect verse to give to me.
A couple minutes later, she came back with this inspiring verse...
Arise, O Lord! Deliver me, O my God! Strike all my enemies on the jaw! Break the teeth of the wicked.
That's so...sweet.
Sunday, August 24, 2008
It's Not 1am!
I am blogging, and it isn't 1 am! Something is out of the ordinary, here. I am having difficulty sleeping though. But alas, I have taken a sleeping pill and I am blogging, which are my two insomnia remedies!
I haven't had any one light bulb moment recently, which is why I haven't written anything much lately. So I will just ramble about my life and family life in general.
Mom is currently with my half-sister in Vietnam helping her go through the process of adopting a baby.
My sister is soon to have her own baby in October, which is going to come fast. David and I will be visiting her in November when we go back East.
David and I hosted a party for my co-workers on Saturday, which turned out really well.
David is thinking about joining the Border Patrol after retirement in a couple of years instead of becoming a cop. I think that's kind of exciting.
Work is still going well. It is still stress free. There are a few relationships that are strained there because of cliques, but nothing that keeps me awake at night. It's just part of a work environment and part of being around other human beings. I have bonded with one girl in particular there which has been really fun and always a good feeling to gain another friend.
David and I took a trip to Sedona last weekend and had a really nice time. We stayed at a bed and breakfast which was a new experience for both of us. It was really nice, minus the gourmet breakfast! I'm just not into things like eggs benedict. A bowl of cereal or at the most scrambled eggs and bacon, and I'm good! So maybe at our next bed and breakfast we'll try to get a special order or we'll find one that serves something simple...although that is probably hard to find.
Our small group of young married couples has grown to a point where we have decided to break off into at least 2 smaller groups right now. It's heartbreaking for me on one hand because there will be five other girls that I would normally see on an almost weekly basis that I won't see nearly as often anymore. But on the other hand I'm very excited to be part of a new group and get to know two more couples better.
And finally, I ate too many cookies today. Time for a renewed sense of diet, health, and exercise.
I haven't had any one light bulb moment recently, which is why I haven't written anything much lately. So I will just ramble about my life and family life in general.
Mom is currently with my half-sister in Vietnam helping her go through the process of adopting a baby.
My sister is soon to have her own baby in October, which is going to come fast. David and I will be visiting her in November when we go back East.
David and I hosted a party for my co-workers on Saturday, which turned out really well.
David is thinking about joining the Border Patrol after retirement in a couple of years instead of becoming a cop. I think that's kind of exciting.
Work is still going well. It is still stress free. There are a few relationships that are strained there because of cliques, but nothing that keeps me awake at night. It's just part of a work environment and part of being around other human beings. I have bonded with one girl in particular there which has been really fun and always a good feeling to gain another friend.
David and I took a trip to Sedona last weekend and had a really nice time. We stayed at a bed and breakfast which was a new experience for both of us. It was really nice, minus the gourmet breakfast! I'm just not into things like eggs benedict. A bowl of cereal or at the most scrambled eggs and bacon, and I'm good! So maybe at our next bed and breakfast we'll try to get a special order or we'll find one that serves something simple...although that is probably hard to find.
Our small group of young married couples has grown to a point where we have decided to break off into at least 2 smaller groups right now. It's heartbreaking for me on one hand because there will be five other girls that I would normally see on an almost weekly basis that I won't see nearly as often anymore. But on the other hand I'm very excited to be part of a new group and get to know two more couples better.
And finally, I ate too many cookies today. Time for a renewed sense of diet, health, and exercise.
Saturday, August 9, 2008
ESFP
Sometimes I get into personality profiles, and sometimes I find the questions too confining. But it is midnight and even though I was super sleepy all day, I find myself unable to fall asleep. So, I thought for fun I would do the personality profile that Rachael mentioned on this website. Here are the results and my thoughts:
The Performer
You are a natural performer and happiest when you're entertaining others: Very true, I LOVE entertaining people at the house.
A great friend, you are generous, fun-loving and optimistic: I'd say I'm generous--I often pay for others when I go out or if someone is in need I like to give what I can to ease their burden. I'm not sure about fun-loving; I'm sure sometimes I am but other times I am more serious in friendships. I think I am optimistic for others because I don't want to be the one to bring them down, even if the down side of a situation may be very real and possible.
You love to laugh - and you like almost all people equally. I do love to laugh, but I can't say I like almost all people equally. I wish I liked all people equally and could appreciate more those I'm not so keen on. This is something I need to ponder.
You accept life as it is, and you do your best to make each day fantastic: I really don't know about this one...I'd have to ponder it more...maybe sometime other than midnight.
In love, you are a smooth talker and incorrigible flirt.
While you get into relationships easily, you don't tend to stick around when times get tough: Again, I don't know how to respond to either of these.
At work, you do well in groups. You keep everyone laughing through difficult tasks.
You would make a good actor, designer, or counselor: I disagree with keeping everyone laughing through difficult tasks. I enjoy laughing in appropriate situations but when I have a task to do, I like to work hard to get it done if I'm on a deadline. If there's no deadline then I may be inclined to keep the situation light but I would generally help keep things light if others are doing the same. I'm not one to stand out at work; I try to do my job well most of the time. If others are laughing then I'll go along with it and have a great time, and try to create laughter myself. But if others are serious, I won't try to change their mood. I think I could be an ok actor. I think I'd make a terrible designer because I don't see myself as inherently creative. I think I would make a good counselor.
How you see yourself: Capable, fair, and efficient: Yes, Yes, and Yes. But that's pretty generic.
When other people don't get you, they see you as: Incompetent, stubborn, and silly: At work there is one girl in particular that I think sees me as incompetent, and I don't think she gets me. I have a few friends that might see me as stubborn, although I'd say they get me. I don't think that silly is quite accurate though. I think some who don't "get" me might see me as serious and others might see me as pretentious.
The Performer
You are a natural performer and happiest when you're entertaining others: Very true, I LOVE entertaining people at the house.
A great friend, you are generous, fun-loving and optimistic: I'd say I'm generous--I often pay for others when I go out or if someone is in need I like to give what I can to ease their burden. I'm not sure about fun-loving; I'm sure sometimes I am but other times I am more serious in friendships. I think I am optimistic for others because I don't want to be the one to bring them down, even if the down side of a situation may be very real and possible.
You love to laugh - and you like almost all people equally. I do love to laugh, but I can't say I like almost all people equally. I wish I liked all people equally and could appreciate more those I'm not so keen on. This is something I need to ponder.
You accept life as it is, and you do your best to make each day fantastic: I really don't know about this one...I'd have to ponder it more...maybe sometime other than midnight.
In love, you are a smooth talker and incorrigible flirt.
While you get into relationships easily, you don't tend to stick around when times get tough: Again, I don't know how to respond to either of these.
At work, you do well in groups. You keep everyone laughing through difficult tasks.
You would make a good actor, designer, or counselor: I disagree with keeping everyone laughing through difficult tasks. I enjoy laughing in appropriate situations but when I have a task to do, I like to work hard to get it done if I'm on a deadline. If there's no deadline then I may be inclined to keep the situation light but I would generally help keep things light if others are doing the same. I'm not one to stand out at work; I try to do my job well most of the time. If others are laughing then I'll go along with it and have a great time, and try to create laughter myself. But if others are serious, I won't try to change their mood. I think I could be an ok actor. I think I'd make a terrible designer because I don't see myself as inherently creative. I think I would make a good counselor.
How you see yourself: Capable, fair, and efficient: Yes, Yes, and Yes. But that's pretty generic.
When other people don't get you, they see you as: Incompetent, stubborn, and silly: At work there is one girl in particular that I think sees me as incompetent, and I don't think she gets me. I have a few friends that might see me as stubborn, although I'd say they get me. I don't think that silly is quite accurate though. I think some who don't "get" me might see me as serious and others might see me as pretentious.
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