Having Friends

Never in my life have I had as many close friends as I do now. In gradeschool my parents actually bought a house in a new town when I was in fifth grade because I was getting picked on too much and didn't have many friends. I'm not completely sure why it was this way in gradeschool, but in general I don't think I was a very friendly child. I didn't learn much about being friendly until I went to college. In high school I had a few friends but only one that I thought really wanted to be with me or that really cared much about me. I just never seemed to fit in, and I still wasn't all that friendly of a person. In college I thought I had lots of acquaintances, but only a couple friends. I had very low self-esteem in college, so whether I had friends or not it never seemed like it. Also, in college I didn't date much and my friends did...so that left me as a third wheel often. Praise God for good counseling at the end of my senior year in college. Had I not been able to realize a few key truths, moving 2000 miles away from friends and family would likely have put me in a huge downward spiral. I met David 6 months after graduating from college, he took the place of the "friend" emptyness I had always felt.

But it wasn't until 2006 when David and I joined our small group of young married couples at church that I started to have more and closer friends. It certainly took several months to be able to feel close with them, but that's part of meeting new people and taking time to get to know them. Compared to some friendships my relationships with these girls may not be considered all that close, and I assume this is true only because I've heard a few girls in our group comment about how much they miss having the close friends they had back home, in college, growing up, etc. For me, not ever having had the type of friendships I have now makes me so appreciate what I have. I don't feel lonely anymore, like I did most of my life.

So, why? Well the whole self-esteem thing is a big factor I'm sure. One of the first things my counselor told me in college was that I would have more friends once I started enjoying who I was. Until I enjoyed who I was, I wouldn't feel comfortable around other people, and people in turn wouldn't feel comfortable around me. He was right. God has taught me lessons about love over the last several years that have made me mostly happy most of the time with who I am. So I can enjoy life with and around others.

Along with that, getting over fear of rejection has also made a difference in being able to be close with friends. I rarely asked others to do things with me until the last couple of years. I was afraid of either rejection or afraid that whatever I planned would not turn out to be fun and I would be responsible for someone else not having a good time. I think one reason God gave me David is to help me learn not to fear these things so much.

I'm always wondering when I meet people if they have many friends. If I think they don't, it makes me really really sad. I know what it's like, and it sucks!

For whatever reason it is 3am and I have not been able to sleep for the last hour and a half. But at least I am awake and thankful of something, rather than awake and angry at something!

Walking = Good, Gossip = Bad

I've started walking after work with a couple of co-workers. Since I started this job I've gained 5 pounds, which I attribute to being less active at work than I was at my previous job. I also am on a regular schedule which means I eat more regular meals. Working nights I just was too tired to eat when I came home so I would usually only eat two small meals a day. I suppose the "goodies" drawer in my boss' desk isn't helping either. So walking has given me the opportunity not only to get more exercise but also to start building a relationship with two of my co-workers. It's been a lot of fun. The good part is I'm getting to know these ladies well, the bad part is gossip is a huge part of our conversation. I hate that it comes so easily to me.

I have a great boss

One thing I have been blessed with in my life has been great bosses. My first boss was my Dad, and of course I thought he was a great boss. When I worked on base after college I also had a really great boss...he was fair, understanding, personable, willing to bend the rules when it made sense, and would put others before himself. Now I have another great boss. I was supposed to go to a class this weekend to get a certification for work and for a few reasons ended up choosing not to go. I was able to get the certification online instead and save myself a lot of headache and anxiety. I called my boss this morning to let her know, unsure how she would react. She was completely supportive and encouraging and was happy I was able to get it over with and out of the way for my weekend--even though I'd already taken off half of Thursday and all of Friday in anticipation of being in class for 12 hours over the weekend.

I am so relieved. I was experiencing very high anxiety levels last night, and didn't fall asleep until 4am. The ladies in our small group talked about emotional roller coasters on Wednesday night. I don't desire to avoid emotional roller coasters because they can teach me valuable lessons. Although I would rather not have stressed out about the situation last night, doing so allowed me to feel great freedom this morning after talking to my boss.

Women and Hobbies

So this discussion came about because a friend of ours in our small group of young married couples stated he didn't think any of the wives in our group had hobbies. Of course we all got defensive! When asked what he classifes as a hobby, he stated something along the lines of, "Something you enjoy spending time doing." My husband added that it had to be something that you wouldn't be disappointed if no one showed up to do it with you. So I asked if playing with the dogs would be classified as a hobby, and the reply was no. If I were to think of something that I enjoy spending time doing every day that I can do alone, it would be playing with the dogs. Rachael asked if hanging out with friends could be considered a hobby, and reply again was no. One girl in our group enjoys ballroom dancing, and so that was classified as a hobby, even though she doesn't do it anymore because it is too expensive.

So I wonder, why don't we have any "hobbies"? If we are all defensive about the fact that we were accused of not having a hobby, why don't we have any?

I don't have one particular answer to this question. I think that the wives in our group favor spending time hanging out and talking with one another over doing a hobby. So in our free time, we'd much rather plan a get together than pursue a hobby. I also wonder if it has anything to do with priorities. Are our priorities more about keeping our homes clean, running errands, and working rather than pursuing a hobby that is just for us? I don't know, what do you think?

Tagged

I was tagged, so here it is.

What were you doing 10 years ago?
1 Enjoying my last summer at home before college

What is on your to-do list today?
A lot of things to get ready for the 4th, none of which I did.

What are some snacks you enjoy?
1 Ice cream
2 Chex Mix
3 Fruit

What would you do if you were a billionaire?
Give a lot of money away. Move my parents to Tucson.

Your bad habits?
1 Not picking up after myself
2 Drinking soda before bed
3 Eating junk food
4 Not cooking dinner

5 Jobs you've had?
1 Waitress
2 Bartender
3 Housekeeper
4 Lodging Manager
5 Nurse

What is currently playing on your iPod?
Nothing, TV is on.

What are the last 5 books you've read or have been reading?
1 Every Woman's Marriage
2 Bits and pieces of the Bible
3 The Prince
4 The Priest
5 Taking Charge of Your Fertility

I'll tag Leatrice, and she can re-post in the reply again.

Sometimes He calms the storms

I love the words to the song by Scott Krippayne, “Sometimes He Calms the Storm.” The line of the song that is so riveting is, Sometimes He calms the storm, and other times He calms His child...

The pity party is over for me right now, and I feel as though God has calmed my storm, which I think is usually a little easier. It's much easier when God calms my storm rather than calms me. Because I am stubborn and difficult to change, I'm thankful God has calmed my storm and given me grace to have peace.

Pity Party

I remember after graduating from college (the first time) and coming out of depression, I learned how often in my life I had pity parties for myself without realizing it. Today I threw myself another pity party. The difference now is I can recognize that I'm having a pity party for myself, but doggone it, I just want to stay at the party. Leaving the party right now means having to walk by faith and have hope, and right now faith and hope take so much effort that I'd rather just stay at the party. It just seems much easier for right now.