Our Adoption Story and More

Praise!

2011-11-05T02:38:00.000-07:00

The last couple days have been worrisome for me. David actually couldn't go to work on Thursday because he was too tired. He slept pretty much the whole day except for lunchtime and dinnertime. Then on Friday he went to work but was so tired and didn't feel like he could do his job because he was too sleepy. David has always worked sick unless he was absolutely, head-in-the-toilet kind of sick. So for him to stay home two days in a row was a big deal. I was home with him Thursday. Friday I went home early from work because I was was so worried about him.

He decided after coming home Friday to go back on his previous medication regimen that gave him some side effects but that did help with his alertness some. And for the first time in weeks I saw a little bit of light in his face! It was so encouraging and refreshing. It may only be a temporary fix because of the side effects but still I'm thanking God for a little bit of hope. I'd been getting more and more worried each day, wondering how he was possibly going to enjoy life. At the same time, being worried gave me the opportunity to trust in God, something I can easily ignore when I have little to worry about. So while I'm praising God for the little bit of hope, I'm also thankful for the opportunity to accept God's sovereignty in my life in the midst of uncertainty.

Rearranging Life

2011-10-19T22:29:00.000-07:00

My three readers out there probably know about David's somewhat recent narcolepsy diagnosis. In a nutshell, it's difficult for him to function during the day and in the evening. He can manage through a workday, and if absolutely necessary he can push out a little schoolwork at night. That's about it.

Before we knew that he even had something seriously going on, we just kept trying to pursue managing depression, because that's all we could assume it was. Five years later, we've finally figured out that it's not depression, it's narcolepsy.

When I was in nursing school I thought narcolepsy was an interesting idea; the idea of suddenly falling asleep anywhere intrigued me.

In real life (we all know that nursing school is NOT real life ;) narcolepsy is debilitating. I'm watching it happen before my eyes. It's difficult to watch. I can't empathize with him, only sympathize. My latest role is learning how to best support him with this disability. It's also going to take some serious trust in God for how we will proceed financially if what is best for David is to cut back on work, or have alternative arragements made at work for him. I'm looking at how we will potentially revamp finances, living arragements, etc., if necessary. The one thing I have SURELY understood is that Jesus and family come first, and anything after that is an extra blessing. Working a job will be an extra blessing. I've lived my whole life with the priority of life being working to make money to provide for myself and family, then being free to do whatever God is calling me to after that. ALL BACKWARDS! We should arrange our lives so that Jesus and family come first, then get a job that can accommodate the first two priorites (sometimes the job is part of the first two priorities, but sometimes not).

I need to pray faithfully for healing, trusting, and patience. Will you please pray along with me?

The Neighbors

2011-10-16T23:45:00.000-07:00

David and I decided to have a block party for our neighborhood. I'm really looking forward to getting to know our neighbors and being able to build relationships. When I was growing up and my parents moved us to a different town, my Mom decided to have an open house to meet all the neighbors. It's a pretty rare thing nowadays, but what a great way to get to know the people that live around us. I'm sure there are plenty of theories about why as a society we are so closed off. Really, I don't care why, I'm just going to try to turn it around.

God is still knocking my socks off through the sermons at church. I wish I could go every day and listen and be inspired...but that would defeat the whole purpose. I'm inspired to build better relationships and fulfill the command Jesus gave us to go into all nations to spread the hope that He gave us. David and I are praying about changes we need to make. I'm overwhelmed, but in a good way.

I told David tonight that ever since he made serious efforts to become the husband God calls him to be (leading, loving, and serving), my relationship with God has changed. I desire to know God better and obey his commands more fully. I know it's not coincidence. My desire to seek God's direction is a direct result of David's strengthening in areas of his own life.

I feel I'm falling short in my relationships with my co-workers. I get cranky because perhaps I'd rather be at home with my daughter. Or perhaps because I'm frustrated with the procedures at work that don't make sense. Or because I get discouraged from hearing complaining and gossiping, which is just as much coming from me as anyone else. All this crankiness totally blocks my ability to encourage and share my love and care for them.

Mind Dump

2011-10-11T14:52:00.000-07:00

I stole this title from our pastor, who writes a weekly mind dump entry in his blog. Seems like it will be much easier than trying to write coherent paragraphs!

-I'm beginning to be unsettled about how much excess I have in my home, when there are so many starving and poor people around the world.

-This is partly because of some recent sermons at church and partly because I've been reading the book, Radical by David Platt.

-Also I've been really thinking about how my life is so little like what Jesus actually calls us to.

-Kinsey has been saying new words constantly. I used to be so amazed that she was saying one new word almost every day, and now it's more like 2 or 3 every day.

-She pooped in the potty once. We are not potty training, but she told me "poop" when she was in the bathtub the other night so I took her out and set her on the toilet. I was about to take her off because nothing happened for a little while when all of a sudden I heard a plop. Now, if I ask her if she wants to get on the potty she shakes her head no really fast.

-We went to a gymnastics place this morning that has an hour of open playtime and Kinsey loved it. She ran around like crazy. Her favorite part was the trampolines that were built into the floor.

Back to Blogging

2011-09-05T23:07:00.000-07:00

I was going to stop blogging about everything except Kinsey's milestones. I changed my mind. Sometimes there is nothing more encouraging to read older blogs. I could just write my own journal but I'm pretty sure I wouldn't be nearly as consistent because I would get lazy, since I'd know I'd only be disappointing myself. If I make it more public people might expect posts every now and then. And it's easier to let myself down than to let others down!

I think I've mentioned before about a different church we started attending last November, Revolution. I can tell my life has been gradually changing the longer we attend. Currently we are doing a 4 week marriage study and it has knocked my socks off. Our marriage is CHANGED! It is fantastic. We really had to be truthful about what our priorities had become. We had to be reminded that becoming Christlike is the aim in marriage. And as spouses we need to do whatever it takes to encourage our spouse to seek Christ and his likeness.

More when it's not so late. I'm trying to decide if I have enough energy to make it to the bedroom or if I should just crash on the couch!!

July

2011-08-04T14:27:00.000-07:00

At the beginning of the month David and I went to Scottsdale for two nights, and Kinsey stayed with Chris. It was so relaxing. We met my cousin for dinner on Saturday night. On Sunday we went to the Arizona Mills Mall and David couldn't stop buying stuff for Kinsey. We also went swimming and went to dinner at Four Peaks Pub. On Monday we stopped at IKEA on the way home because David had never been. Oh, and lots of naps were involved, of course! We can't wait for our next getaway!

We held a going away party at our house for some dear friends who are off to spend a year in Phoenix for an internship before heading to India as missionaries.

I went with a couple friends to spend the night on Mt. Lemmon in a cabin. It was very nice, I'm getting very spoiled with getaways! I'm ready to go back!

Kinsey had her 15 month check up and is doing great. She does get a rash around her mouth with acidic foods but it doesn't bother her, so the pediatrician said to just keep giving her those foods, no worries. There was this really long questionnaire I had to fill out about her development and there was one area where she didn't quite meet up to norms, but I don't remember what it was. Some of the stuff on the questionnaire I couldn't answer because I just had never seen her do what they asked...for example putting something small like a cheerio into something like a water bottle. Huh? So I'm not at all concerned about her supposedly being behind in some area. She seems perfectly normal to me!

The only other thing we really talked about was her weight because she is very "healthy" in that area. I had been giving her 2 percent milk because I figured based on her appearance she was getting plenty of fat in her diet so I thought I'd trim in that area. Pediatrician said not to do that, she needs the fat for brain development. I'm not convinced she actually needs it because like I said she looks like she's holding on to plenty of it. But, I switched her back to whole milk anyways because that's what I'm supposed to do. I was worrying a lot about whether I was feeding Kinsey properly and how her mealtimes were going. But I talked with one of my friends and she said basically as long as I'm feeding her good foods, to stop worrying. She doesn't eat junk food at home except on rare occasions, otherwise I do fruits, veggies, dairy, bread, eggs, and some meats. She doesn't seem to be a big meat eater but since she eats eggs I let it go. She used to love lunch meat but now she won't eat more than one or two bites.

Her favorite word is puppy. She wakes up saying this word, says it all day long, and sometimes it's the last word she says before she goes into her crib. I have a bunch of stuffed animals from when I was younger and one of them is a Pound Puppy. It is her absolute favorite. She also has a knit blanket made by my grandmother that was mine when I was a baby. She will laugh or shriek when she sees either one of them if they haven't been in sight in a while.

She also is big into testing limits now. Standing up on the couch, hitting, kicking when we change her diaper, and on and on. She gets a nice healthy amount of pack n play time each day when she's doing these things!

June in Review

2011-07-09T03:28:00.000-07:00

I'm not sure how much more I'll be blogging, but I realized I would like to keep writing about Kinsey and what we're doing because I will want to look back and read about it in the years ahead.

Things seemed like they were a little more steady for me at work this month, so I felt like I got into somewhat of a pattern which feels good. I'm still a little torn on how much God wants me to be working. I don't feel very in tune with what He wants probably because I'm spending very little time with Him. I need some radical changes in my attitudes, decisions, and desires.

We went to Chris' house for a Memorial Day picnic. It's always a good time going over there and feels like family. Without them we would feel a lot more lonely on the holidays!

Kinsey's child dedication was the first weekend in June. I blogged about it in a previous post.

All three of us caught a cold toward the end of June and I ended up taking almost a whole week off work. It was not a fun time. Kinsey was a trooper though and it didn't really even seem to bring her down.

We finally got our pool up and running so we were able to go swimming a few days. I think we fixed it around the middle of the month so every day I'm off I've been swimming with her since then. She loves to swim and when we get her suit on and go outside she says, "Yaaa!" She still says that to a lot of things though, it's very cute.

She also started feeding herself with a spoon. She doesn't get much on the spoon and half of what she does get ends up on her bib, but she totally gets how it's done.

She still cannot get enough of books. She will bring you one, turn around, back up to you, and sit down in your lap.

Her latest obsession is the vacuum, which she calls "up". Our floors stay well vacuumed because of this!

Status Update

2011-07-05T21:01:00.000-07:00

I was about to post this status on Facebook:
"I'm thinking the two huge bumps in Kinsey's gums would explain her fussing and me getting called from the nursery early to come get her tonight."

So many times I write a status like this and then think, "Who really cares?" and erase it, like I did tonight. Status updates seem like a way for us to be known by others. It feels so vain. I don't mind reading status updates of friends I am very close to. I also like reading updates from people who have a sense of humor. But mostly, it's just about details in life that we all experience. Does everyone really need to know when Kinsey is teething or when she started eating with a spoon? All my Facebook parent friends experience these times so it's nothing new to them. The friends I am close to know what's going on without my status update because I already talk to them almost daily. So what's the point?

It's just a weird phenomenon to me, and for some reason I still do it. Not much different than blogging, but I'm still doing that too. For all 2 of my readers...haha. I really don't know my purpose in all this social media. Is it actually some sort of addiction?

Look Who's Talking!

2011-06-20T22:55:00.000-07:00

I thought I should document the words Kinsey is saying lately because I think it will be cute to look back on one day and remember.

Full words she can say and knows the meaning:

Dada
Mama/Mommy
Puppy
Up
Abby (from Sesame Street)
Uh oh
Yeah
Apple

Partial words she can say and knows the meaning:

Ffff-giraffe
Ffff-phone
Ffff-fan

Buh-bird
Buh-blanket
Buh-book
Buh-bear

Ahh-hot (I think)

Sss-glasses
Sss-Aunt Chris

(Slurpy noise)--kitty

She can also bark and make a monkey sound.

Signs she can do:

Please
Thank you (although she only does this on command and I don't expect her to know what it means yet)
All done
More

The list of things she can't say but can identify when I ask too many to count. But one of my favorites right now is when you ask, "Where's Kinsey?" she will point to herself. The other thing I think is adorable is when I ask her questions she will very often reply "yeah" and it's so cute because it's as if she knows what I'm talking about and is answering me. Which I'm sure sometimes she does know and is in fact answering me, but I can ask her a totally off the wall question and she will still answer "yeah".

That's all that comes to mind right now...I could be missing some.

Is It Really Summer?

2011-06-17T10:37:00.000-07:00

Except for the 100+ degree weather and the Arizona fires, I wouldn't guess it to be summer. First of all, I've only been swimming a couple times because I'm having a hard time getting the pool chemicals under control. Looks like I'm actually going to have to drain the pool and start fresh because of too much calcium. Bummer.

Secondly, I seem to have caught a cold. I thought I had enough sickness this winter to last me all year. Apparently not. Already had to call in sick twice this week and went home early one day. Kinsey has a runny nose, but she is also cutting a tooth. I'm really hoping that's all she'll get but chances are she'll probably get sick too.

I am soooo looking forward to monsoon season. It's my absolute favorite time of year here. I'm looking forward to taking Kinsey out in the rain to splash in the puddles!

Zucchini Coming Out of My Ears!

2011-06-13T15:30:00.000-07:00

Note to self...you do not need to plant 3 zucchini plants next year!

Over the last 3 days I have picked 5 zucchini. Yesterday I tried to make a pizza/quiche type recipe that had zucchini in the crust. It was kind of gross. Today I made a zucchini chowder so we will see how this turns out. I could actually be a good cook if I wanted to because I know how to. It just is a lot of effort for a couple of people who aren't into eating big or extravagant meals. We're pretty content with Hamburger Helper. BUT I planted my vegetables this year to try to get into cooking a little bit more with fresh ingredients, so I am trying. If nothing else at least I feel like I am putting a little more effort into the health of my family, even if sometimes it turns out to be a flop.

Cucumbers are getting close to being harvested too...now what to do with those besides put them in salad (which I don't care much for)????

Can I Get a Mulligan?

2011-06-04T21:07:00.000-07:00

Today was one of those days I just wanted to redo. Specifically, Kinsey's dedication at church. There were quite a few people that came and when I first let people know, I didn't expect very many people to come, so I didn't even tell too many people other than family and our life group. We actually filled two full rows up. Kinsey was a peach all day, and I expected her just to hang out in my arms on stage till the dedication was over. She had other plans. She wanted to grab the baby (2 months old) next to her's flower in her hair, then when I let her down she wanted to go go go. Well that would have been fine except for the two foot drop off the stage, which wouldn't have been a pretty sight. So David and I tried to keep her contained and there was a LOT of protesting. I have no idea what the pastor was saying really so it's a good thing they give us a list of what we committed to doing as parents afterwards! Really, it was fine. It's not like the actual event of the dedication is what makes us commit to raising Kinsey in a Godly manner, it's more just a public proclamation of what we have already decided to do.

Then, what probably is bothering me more has to do with the fact the service went about 20 minutes over what it normally runs because the sermon was extra long, and some of our guests had a party to go to afterward. So I feel bad about that. I've told everyone how much I love this church and of course tonight was not a night I loved, so naturally I'm feeling like a big fat liar. I really expected and hoped people would be as blown away as I have been since I have been going. I KNOW that God means for things to happen in ways that bring Him glory (even things that are evil! Genesis 50:20, but sometimes it hard to TRUST, because I don't always UNDERSTAND. I should be saying that even though I may not have been impacted nor even my friends, certainly God had people who needed to hear what was being said and probably even needed the sermon to be long so they would get what God wanted to say to them. Or not! He could have plans totally not even in my realm of thinking!

I like the song "My Own Little World" by Matthew West, here are some of the parts of the song I really like and that I need to let sink in right now:

In my own little world it hardly ever rains

I've never gone hungry, always felt safe
I got some money in my pocket, shoes on my feet
In my own little world, population: me

I try to stay awake during Sunday morning church
I throw a twenty in the plate but I never give 'til it hurts
And I turn off the news when I don't like what I see
Yeah, it's easy to do when it's population: me

What if there's a bigger picture?
What if I'm missing out?
What if there's a greater purpose?
I could be living right now
Outside my own little world

And this especially:

Father, break my heart for what breaks Yours

Give me open hands and open doors
Put Your light in my eyes and let me see
That my own little world is not about me

So I really don't need a mulligan. Kinsey's behavior didn't bother me at all. It actually makes me laugh (and finally show people that she's not always an angel!). As for the service, I need to let it go and realize it's not about population me-and-my-friends or me-and-my-pride. I think I'm getting some therapy from writing this blog too.

I will post some pictures of a not-so-happy Kinsey on this "special" day soon :)

Zucchini!

2011-05-29T14:38:00.000-07:00

I planted zucchini and cucumbers the first week in April. I heard they were pretty easy to grow and I wanted to try growing my own vegetables so I'd (hopefully) be more inclined to cook with them. The plants are doing pretty well although I did have to spray them with a bug spray a couple weeks ago because some leaves were showing a little bit of damage. I have had a few zucchini on each of my three plants, but so far only one has grown to full size. The others have turned yellow and look like they're not going to make it. I'm hoping I will get more as the summer goes on. So far no cucumbers yet but I'm thinking it's just a little early for them.

May in Review

2011-05-27T21:24:00.000-07:00

This past month we ended up focusing a bunch on Kinsey's poop. Yep, poop. And LOTS of it. We kept adjusting her diet and oddly enough it seemed like it would get better on days she was home with us and then act up a little when she went to the sitter's house. Turned out that was all just coincidence, because the pediatrician ordered some stool samples and blood tests that came back showing she had an intestinal infection. She was given a 5 day run of antibiotics and her poop is back to the lovely solid texture and smell we know it to be ;) I was relieved that it was an infection, actually, because the next thing the doctor was suspecting was celiac disease (gluten intolerance) and I wasn't looking forward to having to modify her diet for the rest of her life. It would have been doable but since I am a very poor meal planner as it is, it certainly would have been a big challenge for me.

With the infection I went through a few days of feeling like a neglectful Mom for not keeping her from putting her hands all over everything or crawling on the floor when we're out in public places, or for not preventing her from putting rocks in her mouth, or for not worrying when the dog was drinking out of the water toy she plays with outside. I got over it when the pediatrician said to go ahead and have the dogs tested for the same thing, and if it comes back positive then we can treat the dogs and I'll know the source. If the dogs are negative, then she said just let her be a kid and if it happens again, we'll start looking at ways to keep her from getting less germy. I REALLY like this pediatrician. She's not the one we've been seeing because she was the only one available when I needed to take her in. I may try to switch to her if possible.

My Mom came to visit for an extended weekend. We had a little barbecue with family which was nice. We invited Kinsey's birth mother but she didn't come, and we were sad but we hope to connect with her again soon. We were able to see her and her family on the week prior on Mother's Day which was nice. Unfortunately Kinsey was a little cranky that day for some reason so we didn't stay as long as we would have liked.

Other than that we had our first swim of the season. Kinsey and I went three times so far. The pool is a tad cold but so worth it once you get used to the water.

Chris (I don't want to keep referring to her as "the sitter" because she's not just our sitter, she's become a dear friend) took her to the zoo again this month.

We almost took her to the botanical gardens until we realized the butterfly exhibit is closed until October.

Finally on Wednesday Kinsey and I went with another Mom and daughter to the Children's Museum. It's a very cool place and appropriate for Kinsey's age, but I think it will be even more fun to take her when she's older and she can understand some of the exhibits instead of just seeing everything as a climbing obstacle ;)

This weekend we have a picnic to go to and are planning to chill out otherwise...probably some swimming involved too if I can get our pool cleared up.

At the end of this month my cousin will be having a kidney transplant...would appreciate prayer for her and her family.

Next month will be Kinsey's child dedication at church! I'm looking forward to it simply because it is a very important event in her childhood. We have several friends who are planning to come to the service so it will be great to share going to church with them.

We have been talking a little more about whether we want to pursue another adoption. I think we're reasonably certain we are going to be called by God to do so but not certain about timing, age, agency, foster-adopt vs straight adoption, etc. We're not there yet, but it's at least on our minds occasionally.

Here are the pictures from May. I will probably add a few more over the next few days too.

What I Got For Free

2011-05-03T09:15:00.000-07:00

I promise I'm not going to turn this blog into a coupon match-up site...haha. I just thought this might help some of you interested in couponing get an idea of how much you can get for free. This was all purchased from Fry's this week! I'll be donating the toothpaste and toothbrushes because I get those for free all the time, and I already have enough on hand to last several months.

Feeling Thrifty

2011-05-01T19:47:00.000-07:00

I decided to try hanging my laundry outside to dry instead of drying it in the dryer today. It was painless, although a little more time consuming. It would be easier if I had an actual clothesline instead of this drying rack, but it served it's purpose.

This got me thinking about other ways I am thrifty, and curious about how other people are thrifty. Of course, there is couponing:

We also use CFL bulbs, even though they aren't as attractive and don't work too well in our dimmer lights.

What ways are you thrifty?

I'll Take a 12 Month Old, Please!

2011-04-24T21:48:00.000-07:00

Since Kinsey turned one last month, it's as if she suddenly became a real, live toddler. She is all over the map as usual, but now she can entertain herself...it is AMAZING! It started one Thursday this past month when I was off work. It was like she woke up that day and could suddenly play and be content all day. I couldn't believe how much more time I had to get things accomplished around the house, and I could also just chill out while she played. I am LOVING this age.When I don't work, we spend a large part of our time outside. I usually take her to the park in the morning and get a good walk in before we head to the swings. Then I take her to the grassy area and let her explore or chase the ball. She'll slide down the slide a few times too at the playground. Then we walk home and hang out in the backyard for a while longer until she needs a snack. I get my watering and rose trimming done, and also attend to the pool if needed. We just bought a new solar cover for the pool so hopefully in a week the water will be warm enough for a swim!

She's about outgrown her 2 naps and is down to one. Right now it starts at about 11:30 but I'm hoping to push that a little later so she won't have quite as long to go between waking up from her nap and bedtime, because it's a long time for her to go without sleep.

David and I had a double date last night after church so Leatrice watched Kinsey. I really enjoyed getting out to socialize with another couple. We went to Zona78. I thought the food was just average but the company and the relaxation of the night more than made up for it. Afterwards we went to Frost for gelato. I had blackberry--YUM!

Today we went to Pam's house for Easter dinner and an egg hunt. With all the stuff Kinsey got from Pam's family, you really would have thought it was Christmas! Kinsey picked up one egg during the hunt. She also thoroughly enjoyed drinking the water from their koi pond!

Here are the pictures from the past month.

Here are the pictures from Easter.

Couponing

2011-04-21T20:01:00.000-07:00

Six months ago, I didn't know that the term "couponing" existed.

Leatrice started me on couponing through CouponSense.com. It's a website that lists all the sales at the grocery and drugstores, and lists coupons that match the sales items. The idea is you buy items on sale WITH a coupon, so the items are deeply discounted or even free! Couponsense costs $15 a month, plus the cost of a newspaper subscription.

Then a few months ago I came across some websites that do the same thing as CouponSense, but for free! I wish I had known there were all these free websites out there, because I never would have paid for CouponSense. So now I use http://www.thecentsableshoppin.com/ but there are lots of good sites out there. I like this one because it allows you to populate your own grocery list to print. It also has all my local stores. I "liked" them on Facebook so I stay updated on all the deals it posts and free sample offers. You can google your state or city and the phrase "coupon matchups" and hopefully you will find a good blog in your area.

It is easy to get obsessed with it, but if you follow these tips hopefully you will be able to do it sensibly and save yourself money!

Some tips for those of you interested in trying this out:

1. Get more than one Sunday newspaper delivered. I get 2, and I use the Arizona Republic because the Arizona Daily Star doesn't send out as many coupons. It costs me about $15 bucks a month but I make that back in one week easily. Or, find someone you know that doesn't use their coupons, and ask them to save them for you...even better!

2. Start by filing your coupon inserts from the newspaper by date. I have an accordian file. The websites tell you which coupon insert you need for a particular item, so you can go to your file and pull out the insert, then find the appropriate coupon. If you get more serious, you can get a coupon organizer and clip coupons and organize by category or by alphabet.

3. Don't buy an item that is deeply discounted if you're not going to use it or don't need it. It's tempting to buy extra stuff when it's super cheap, but you'll end up spending money you don't need to spend. However, if an item you don't normally buy is cheaper than an item you would normally buy, go ahead and buy the sale item if you can substitute the cheap item for what you would otherwise pay full price for. For example, if you normally buy Hunt's spaghetti sauce for $1, but the Prego is on sale and you have a coupon, go ahead and buy it if the final price is less than a dollar, if you're okay using Prego!

4. DO buy whatever is FREE, because if you don't use it, you can find someone who does or you can donate it!

5. Don't drive out of your way to go to stores just for deals, especially with gas prices as high as they are. Just pick one grocery store you normally go to, look up the deals, gather your coupons, and go once a week. I also usually take one trip to a drugstore each week, but I try to go when I'm nearby rather than make a special trip just to get free stuff. It's also best to go to the drugstores early in the week (Sunday or Monday) because they sell out of free and cheap items often. You can get rainchecks, but I find that to be a pain.

6. Read through each store's coupon policy before you start couponing, so you can be educated when you go to the stores. Sometimes clerks will tell you the wrong thing, so if you know the policy (or print it out and carry it with you!) then you'll avoid spending extra or not getting items you were hoping to get.

7. I also recommend reading a "how to" on one of the websites before you start couponing. I like this one by TheKrazyCouponLady.

HAPPY COUPONING!

Jeremiah 29:11

2011-04-13T22:55:00.000-07:00

I was just reading through some blog posts from a few years ago (have I been blogging that long??). I miss the way I used to write before we started trying to have a baby. I'm going to make more of an effort to write about my thoughts and any "aha" moments I have.

David made a very wise statement the other day. I was telling him how my life is not how I picured it would be. He said maybe not, but this is the life God pictured for me. Simple but profound. I think of this multiple times a day sometimes when I find myself discontented.

Our pastor was talking on Saturday in church about how we always picture life to be easy. We read Jeremiah 29:11 and imagine our future through rose colored glasses. The reality?--No one in history...the Bible or anywhere else, went through life without enduring suffering in order to live a life worthy of their calling. I don't know that I've heard anyone take that verse and say, God's plans for me are probably going to be HARD...awesome!!!

He also said only one of the disciples is said to have died of old age...we all think that is going to be our life...coasting through until we're old.

Blessings

2011-03-31T20:36:00.000-07:00

David and I went to the VA today in Phoenix for some routine appointments. Going to the VA is not like going to any other hospital. At almost every turn there is someone with a missing limb, in a wheelchair, or limping. It's incredibly humbling. I turned to David while we were waiting to be called for an appointment and I said, "We're really blessed." He agreed with me.

But then the song "Blessings" by Laura Story came to mind. I was humbled this time but in a different way. I am completely misled if I believe that I am more blessed compared to anyone else for any reason, including my health, wealth, status, etc. God's blessings are not defined by my human standards.

We pray for blessings

We pray for peace
Comfort for family, protection while we sleep
We pray for healing, for prosperity
We pray for Your mighty hand to ease our suffering
All the while, You hear each spoken need
Yet love is way too much to give us lesser things

(Chorus)

'Cause what if your blessings come through raindrops
What if Your healing comes through tears
What if the thousand sleepless nights are what it takes to know You're near
What if trials of this life are Your mercies in disguise

We pray for wisdom
Your voice to hear
We cry in anger when we cannot feel You near
We doubt your goodness, we doubt your love
As if every promise from Your Word is not enough
And all the while, You hear each desperate plea
And long that we'd have faith to believe

Chorus

When friends betray us
When darkness seems to win
We know the pain reminds this heart
That this is not, this is not our home

Chorus

What if my greatest disappointments
Or the aching of this life
Is the revealing of a greater thirst this world can't satisfy
What if trials of this life
The rain, the storms, the hardest nights
Are your mercies in disguise

-Lyrics from "Blessings" by Laura Story

She's 1!

2011-03-27T22:03:00.000-07:00

Woo hoo! Today is actually the anniversary of the day we brought her home from the hospital (her birthday was on Thursday). I remember it so clearly.

I was excited that we were able to have her party today on this anniversary. The party was great; lots of people. Also lots of people are in trouble for bringing gifts when they weren't supposed to! But we nonetheless grateful. And for every item given we will donate an item of ours. We were so happy to be able to celebrate her birthday with the people who have supported us throughout the entire last year, and even before she came to us. I was joking that the party today was to celebrate me having made it as a Mom one entire year...but it's really about being with the people we love and remembering how thankful we are for friendships that keep us going in the good times and the hard times!

This past month I finally decided to stop working my second job and just stay on with my regular job. More hours opened up so I'd rather devote myself to just one place rather than two. I have really come to enjoy working with the people I do, and I have finally been able to see myself staying long-term. What I think this will also do is allow me to have a little bit more of a regular schedule, 3 days a week. That makes me feel like I will have more consistency with Kinsey, because I know which days I'll be working and can start having a better routine. For example, we started going to a library play group on Tuesday mornings, so I'm looking forward to regularly being off on Tuesdays so we can make it a habit of going. I was originally going to MOPS on Tuesdays. It was really an encouraging place to be but I'd like to get out and meet people in more of a community setting.

Have I told you my babysitter is fantastic? I love her. And her entire family, they are exactly what I hope one day for my own family to be like. Close, supportive, loving, and generous. She made the cake for the party today, and it was the most gorgeous cake I could have ever dreamed of for her party. She also made cookies for everyone.

I also had a revelation the past few days about my attitude toward Kinsey. I am constantly worried about her fussing. She seems to be much more frustrated than other kids I know, so I'm always wondering why and what to do about it. When I wake up in the morning I start worrying about what kind of day she's going to have. If I've been away from her for any reason I start worrying before I see her about how she was while I was gone and how she's going to be when I see her. I'm pretty sure the reason I worry is because I feel her fussing is a reflection of me as a parent. I honestly have no idea if that is the case. I'm sure some of it comes from my parenting, but I don't know how much. Anyways, it doesn't really matter, because I'm parenting her the way I feel is best for her. And when I don't think I know what's best, I ask for advice. So I decided I need to stop worrying in advance and just let her be who she is. If she's fussy, I can deal with it then. If she's not, then I'll enjoy the moment rather than be waiting for things to go south. It's not going to be easy to just suddenly stop worrying, but I know I will enjoy motherhood much more. Eventually, Kinsey will be able to communicate better, and things will eventually settle down in this area. Sure, it'll be a few years, but it will come. In the meantime, I am called to be content and thankful!

Kinsey's Development:

Still walking, but not much change in word usage. Whatever words she has are still a little iffy. I think she is pretty clear on "Da da", although she also says that at many other things and people. She does say "ba ba" when she sees her bottle, although that is again something she will say for other things. For her books and for birds, she tries to make a "b" sound. She also makes a sound with inflection that we think might be her saying, "What's that?" It sort of sounds like "uh sa".

She gained weight back she had lost from last month when she was sick. Not sure how much, but her belly filled back out again. Her 12 month appointment is actually this week. I also need to ask about switching to whole milk. We tried a couple times over the past two weeks but I'm not quite sure she is ready to digest it well because it caused some almost diarrhea like stools until we stopped giving it to her. For now I have switched to toddler formula which she has no problem with.

I have started weaning the bottle, much to my chagrin. I find it much easier to give her a bottle for a snack rather than food because it is so much easier. But she doesn't need the bottle anymore and I don't want to risk causing harm to her teeth. She does well enough with the sippy cup, and I'm sure once she gets used to not having a bottle she will start using the sippy more and more.

Finally, we started taking the Love and Logic parenting class at church. Kinsey is a little young to implement anything yet. I still enjoyed our first class last week and think it is going to give us some great tips and examples of how to handle discipline. The idea is for her to grow up in an environment where she learns by consequences in the small things when she is young, so she can apply what she learned as she gets older in the bigger things.

The length of this post is making me realize I should blog more often!

Here are the pictures of the last month.

Here are the pictures from her party.

11 Months

2011-02-25T14:36:00.000-08:00

Kinsey turned 11 months old yesterday! WOW!

This ENTIRE last month was all about being sick. I have very little to report on fun things we did because we were all too sick to do much of anything but stay home and try to keep our germs to ourselves. Today is actually the 4 week mark since the sickness arrived at our house. Kinsey started with a clear runny nose that later turned green for a day, then yellow, then clear, then yellow--well, you get the picture. The worst of it was her cough that was causing her to vomit about 3 times a day.

Taking care of her really wasn't all that difficult; she wasn't overly fussy and still could play for at least some of the day. The hardest part was not being able to go anywhere so we could stay home and rest and also try to prevent anyone else from getting sick. We didn't go to church or small group for the entire month, and the only outing we did was go to a couple superbowl parties. At that point Kinsey seemed to be doing better so I just kept her away from other kids at the parties as best I could. However, she took another turn for the worse after that. I ended up taking her to the doctor three times. The first week we both had pink eye with our colds, so we had to go to urgent care to get antibiotic drops. Then the third week I took her to the pediatrician who said her ears and lungs were clear, and to wait it out a little longer. By the end of the third week she (and I) were not getting any better so we went back to the doctor to get antibiotics. She is still on them now. She has a bit of a runny nose but hardly anything to speak of, and not coughing anymore. Whew!

She is now walking about 75% of the time. It's awesome! People said to watch out once she starts walking because she can get into everything, but it isn't any different than when she was crawling. The bonus is that she gets less dirty! Only the bottoms of her feet get very dirty from walking on the tile instead of her knees and the tops of her feet. We've been walking her down to the mailbox in the evening which is neat.

She is also making new sounds so I keep wondering when a word is going to pop out of her mouth and surprise us! When we ask her to, she can still clap, splash in the tub, and wave. She can also flap her arms to "fly", point out Elmo in her book, raise her arms for "all done!" when she's finished eating, lay down and lay her head on the floor when we say "night night!", lean in for a kiss when we ask, and bounce when we say "jump". I just started teaching her to touch her ear when I ask, and she picked up on it pretty quickly. The other day she could also go to David when we said "Where's Dada?" and go to me for "Mama". Along with identifying her bear and the kitty, she can also get her doll when asked, and I pretty sure she knows "doggie" and "book".

Valentine's Day was special because she spent the day at Chris' (babysitter) since I was working. Chris and Pam (her sister/my co-worker) of course spoiled her with gifts. Then David had a rose for her and a rose for me when we got home.

I'm getting plans together for her birthday party...and you're invited! And all we want you to bring is yourself, because the day is not about presents, it's about celebrating having had her in our lives for the last year! (Oh, and it's about eating cake, too, hehe) Email or message me for info if you want details! I'm still getting some invitations together for people who don't have access to Facebook, so I can send you one or give you the link to the event on Facebook.

Here are the pictures from the last month!

I Like This

2011-02-11T21:03:00.000-08:00

How a missional community is different from a Bible study--Jeff Vanderstelt

Walking!

2011-02-05T14:13:00.000-08:00

10 Months!

2011-01-30T22:39:00.000-08:00

10 Months!

Kinsey turned 10 months old last Monday. The month overall was pretty good. Mostly, we've just been focused on David finding a job, so I've been working a lot again. David had Kinsey at home some while I worked but we still sent her to the babysitter a lot so David could get stuff done like resumes, interviews, etc. The great news is he had two job offers last week! One at Target that was going to be overnight, and the second at the VA. He is going to take the job at the VA. So we are breathing a little easier now. The biggest plus is going to be David getting to go to work every day and feeling productive. Obviously, we need him to have a job financially, but I think the greater benefit is him being able to go somewhere and contribute every day. We are thanking God for this opportunity having come so fast in such a tough economy. He's been looking for a job since October but was technically only unemployed for about a month before getting an offer.

Kinsey can now start to distinguish words when we say them to her. For example, if her stuffed bear and the kitty are both in the same room, and we ask her where one of them is, she will go to it. Right now, that's all that I'm sure of her being able to know what the words are, but there are probably others. Of course as I mentioned before if we ask her to clap she will usually do it on command. She is also starting to splash in the tub when we say splash. Common words I think she would start to pick up on soon would be doggie, bath, book, and bottle. Our babysitter swears she can say "Oscar", which is their dog's name, but I have yet to hear it! She commonly says "aah-ti" at various things. At first I thought it was "kitty", but then she says it lots of times at other things too.

She is now able to stand without leaning or holding on to anything. She can even take a few steps on her own with lots of prompting from us. I think she'll be fully walking by the next blog post.

At her last checkup, she came in at 89th percentile in both weight and height. She dropped off a little on the growth curve but not enough to be concerned about. I think the drop is a combination of her being able to tell us when she's finished eating very clearly and being active ALL the time. When she's eating finger foods, once she starts playing with them instead of eating them, I take them away. She is also very clear about pushing the bottle away when she is finished.

Last week her top front left tooth came in! Her top front right tooth is pretty close to breaking through too. She started getting a runny nose on Friday and I was assuming it was just from teething, but last night we figured out she was actually getting a cold. Green snot started coming out, so that was a pretty clear indication. She's been pretty whiny, poor thing, I'm sure she's not feeling great. Her nose is all crusty and runny, and her cheeks are chapped. I've been giving ibuprofen to help with aches and any teething pain, and it helps some. She's eating fine so far. Waking up a lot during the night but I've left a sippy cup in her room, turned on the humidifier and space heater, and am praying she won't be too uncomfortable. Not really any coughing yet, which I'm thankful for. Before bed I put some vicks vapor rub under her nose and on her cheeks and she seemed to really like it. Seemed like it made her eyes run a little though but also seemed to make her very calm and sleepy. David and I are both a little sick too. Hopefully we will all be back to normal in a few days.

Here are the pictures from the last month.

A Little Crazy!

2011-01-23T19:03:00.000-08:00

I've always had a heart to adopt an older child. I used to dream about it when I was a little girl when I heard about children who live in orphanages. My reason is because there are multitudes of families waiting to adopt babies. People don't line up to adopt older kids, though, partly because people want the experience of raising a child from birth and partly because there can be very difficult times of readjusting and attachment. Not to mention a whole other slew of obstacles that can happen. As kids get older, I can't imagine how they feel knowing they don't have a forever family. It breaks my heart.

Around the time when we got Kinsey and shortly thereafter, people started asking (and still ask) if we want more kids. We have gone back and forth, but I often say that I'd like to adopt an older child once Kinsey is older. I actually had someone today basically tell me this idea was crazy (although he didn't use the word crazy, but it was definitely along those lines). What I heard in church last night (see previous post) hit me like a ton of bricks right then. This could be my version of "crazy" the pastor was talking about. Wow. The problem is, David is not convinced this is OUR calling. So then I have to wonder if it is something I am really going to be called to do. God will have to change one of our minds, or one of us will have to change our minds to God. I'm excited though that I have something so big that it would even be considered crazy by some! I want to keep dreaming big, even if big means difficult and scary.

Comfort and Crazy

2011-01-23T09:39:00.000-08:00

Yesterday David had class from 9-3, so I was hanging out with Kinsey. She took a shorter-than-usual nap in the morning, so my nap was also cut short. When she woke up I couldn't believe how tired I was. I worked a full 5 day week this past week--something I hadn't done in a very long time. Needless to say, I was really looking forward to her afternoon nap. Unfortunately, she wasn't having it and was crying in her crib for a good half hour. David was home by then and gave her more formula which seemed to do the trick. We had been planning to go to church at 5, but when he came in to wake me up at 4:20 I just didn't think I'd be awake enough to pay attention. He bribed me out of bed with Wendy's and with guilting me because he didn't want to go by himself!

I'm SO glad I went. I was blown away by the sermon. It's not posted yet, but if you have thirty minutes I would highly recommend listening to it once they get it on the website at http://www.tucsonrevolution.com/sermons/.

We're studying James. One thing I like so much about Revolution is that they go line by line through books of the Bible. Their small groups all discuss the same things during the week too, which I think is fantastic. Sometimes I find myself trying to focus on too many things in my life, so nothing ever changes because I'm on overload. Our small group studies one thing, we hear about another topic in MOPS, something new in a sermon each week, etc. Too much for me. I like the idea of focusing on one thing at a time.

Back to the sermon. Josh Reich (the pastor) talked about idols. Namely comfort, approval, control, and power. Mine is comfort. ALL of my decisions are based on comfort. Everything I buy, my career, how I control the finances, etc. Comfort is no doubt my idol. You know what comfort brings me?? Stress. And lots of it. Josh has said a few times how studies show that we are the most miserable society in the world. I believe it. All this stuff that I buy and work for--it all just brings more stress, and more wants.

One other thing he hit on that struck me was that if our plans aren't "crazy", God might not be in them. I wasn't totally on board with this thought because I think God can call us to things that seem very ordinary but yet God can have big plans in the seemingly ordinary. However, it made me look at how much I limit my desires based on what I think I can manage. I surely could dream a lot bigger, and if I do I bet I'll start to see a whole lot more of what God desires.

Thoughts on Our Season of Life

2011-01-19T00:08:00.000-08:00

By "Our Season of Life", I mean David retiring, searching for (and not yet finding) a job, and me going back to work more.

I'm kind of surprising myself through this time. If you had asked me a year ago how I'd act in this situation, I would have told you that I'd be a basket case if this ever happened. The good news is, I'm not! I'm quite calm about it, which I attribute a great deal to having watched other friends recently walk through very similar circumstances. I also think I may have grown up a bit, and am learning how to deal with life's twists and turns better.

On one hand, I am quite confident in God's provision. On another hand, I can also calculate just how long we can reasonably live in this situation, so I'm mentally giving myself a certain amount of time before I can start worrying. Those two are quite opposing and show how easy it is for me to want to trust God but then also keep things in my own control.

"No one can serve two masters. For you will hate one and love the other; you will be devoted to one and despise the other. You cannot serve both God and money. That is why I tell you not to worry about everyday life—whether you have enough food and drink, or enough clothes to wear. Isn’t life more than food, and your body more than clothing? Look at the birds. They don’t plant or harvest or store food in barns, for your heavenly Father feeds them. And aren’t you far more valuable to him than they are?"
-Matthew 6:24-26 (New Living Translation)

Some Favorites Right Now

2011-01-16T18:18:00.000-08:00

1. Revolution Church--The sermons are soooo good. I also like the music, and the nursery workers are awesome.

2. Baby pajamas that zip, not snap.

3. Smoothies--yum.

4. Honest talk with friends.

5. CouponSense--I get lots of free stuff and am getting more food for the same amount of money I used to spend.

6. And family, of course!

Two Favorite Things

2011-01-09T22:31:00.000-08:00

1. My first favorite thing is when I'm wrong about something or when I've hurt someone's feelings, and that person immediately lets me know I've crossed the line. This is just such a much better way of dealing with hurt and anger than letting it build up inside. I can realize (hopefully) and apologize for my mistake right then and there and not have had the person walking around for days angry with me before talking to me about it.

2. Watching movies in bed at night after Kinsey goes to bed.

Month 9 Pictures

2010-12-31T21:39:00.000-08:00

Here are the pics from the last month.

Month 9

2010-12-31T07:10:00.000-08:00

Kinsey turned 9 months on Christmas Eve, so I am a little late with this post.

Kinsey is all over the map these days! She is able to stand up holding on to the furniture and scoot herself along quite swiftly. When I help her walk and hold her hands, I can also tell she is getting more steady on her feet. She loves to walk around so anytime she is fussy I can walk with her and she will start giggling.

We are doing a lot more finger foods now, and she is getting her pincer grasp. Along with that she is starting to point. Not at anything in particular.

Napping is going well. She is consistently napping 2 hours in the morning and 2 in the afternoon as long as she is at home.

I worked a lot in December so David did quite a lot of taking care of Kinsey. Looks like January is going to slow down.

I'm starting to implement "no". It's "no" fun! When I'm wearing my glasses she grabs for them. So I'm trying to teach her not to do that. When I tried the other day, I told her no a few times and pulled her hand away from my glasses. She kept doing it so I gave a firmer no and picked her up and sat her down. Boy, did she cry!!

Christmas was good. We didn't get her anything from us because frankly, she doesn't care! The other day I gave her my purple comb and she played with it for a good 30 minutes. We also don't need to spend any money right now. I was feeling really alone this Christmas because we didn't have any family to be around, but it turned out fine in the end. My co-worker and our sitter (same family) invited us over and we went there in the evening. They gave Kinsey so many gifts! I was shocked. Their generosity was overwhelming. Kinsey got lots of clothes, a couple toys, a baby Einstein DVD, an ornament, and a couple books. She and I got matching scarves, and my coworker gave us a gift card to Applebees and a free babysitting voucher. Awesome!

Leatrice Update

2010-12-29T11:51:00.000-08:00

It's amazing all the people who have prayed and asked about Leatrice. Thank you so much, it warms my heart to know that you all value and care about someone you don't even know! It's always nice to know that something that is important to me is also important to you, just because it's important to me. Does that make sense?

Anyways, she is doing better. She is off life support and is able to talk, laugh, cry, and EAT! Hallelujah!

Leatrice

2010-12-21T14:25:00.000-08:00

Please continue to pray for my friend Leatrice. She has now been moved to ICU. It was not pneumonia, but various complications from Lupus. Also please pray for her husband Tony and their girls, Embry and Nola.

Praying Scripture

2010-12-18T11:01:00.000-08:00

Last time at our small group, we were talking about praying scripture. Since I have realized how little I do this, and I have started more. It would help if I actually read the Bible more, but what I do know I have started to pray it. I sort of had an "ah ha" moment this morning. I'm a little sick (cold) and was feeling crappy this morning. I started praying and asking God for Kinsey to be "easy" today. Then I realized I should be praying for the strength God promises. Rather than asking for a change in Kinsey to fit how I'm feeling, I'm praying that I will have the strength for whatever comes my way today. "I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me". (Phillipians 4:13)

Speaking of Kinsey, I was re-reading the post before last where I gave an update on how things were going. Well, they're even better than when I posted the update. She is really getting much better at entertaining herself. I've also figured out how to keep her from getting so fussy when she comes home from the babysitter's, because she doesn't nap much over there. If I hold her and snuggle with her for a really long time when she gets home, then she will eventually start crawling away from me and will be happy to play by herself. Her napping is doing better too. She will generally nap 2 hours in the morning and 1.5 hours in the afternoon. She is also sleeping 30 minutes to an hour longer at night so we're up to about 10.5-11 hours overnight. She seems less tired overall.

As for the "twinges" I spoke of in my last blog, I'm even feeling better about that too. I'm not feeling an overwhelming sadness or jealousy. Whew. Thank goodness.

Most of you know my friend Leatrice, but for those of you who don't, please pray for her. She is in the hospital with pneumonia and is having a rough time. You can read her story here.

Twinges

2010-12-08T20:11:00.000-08:00

I've been feeling "twinges" lately. That's the best word for the way I've been feeling when I hear about new pregnancies of friends or acquaintances. Yesterday a friend announced her pregnancy at MOPS and today a patient at work told us she just found out she was pregnant. I get a "twinge" in my body when that kind of thing happens. It's sort of a stop-me-in-my-tracks sort of thing, along with a sinking feeling in my stomach. It just started; I haven't had this feeling since before we got Kinsey, I think. It's a feeling of sadness and jealousy. I would like another child at some point, and facing another adoption process is definitely not going to be easy. It will be worth it, no doubt. But certainly I would love to be able to get pregnant for the experience of it. In the end, it won't matter. Once the baby is here, it's no different to me whether I carried the baby or not, she is my LOVE and JOY.

So it seems that this feeling comes when I start thinking about having another baby. The last 8 months I haven't wanted to entertain any thoughts of having another one, so pregnancies have not bothered me at all. But now things are changing, mostly because Kinsey is into playing and I think about how much I would love to have a sibling for her to play with, and hopefully grow a bond with. Unless we go with a different agency, then we will have to wait another 10 months before we can get on the waiting list again. There's a possiblity we would want to adopt an older child. In that case, we would be waiting much longer because we would think it be best for Kinsey to remain the oldest.

So I'm having mixed emotions. Sadness about pregnancy but also excitement to think about the possibility of another child at some point, God willing. We certainly have some things to work through first; namely David getting a job! But I'm still confident God's hand is in all of this.

Update on my last blog

2010-12-02T01:01:00.000-08:00

This cracked me up. I stole it from Cara's blog. Mom, you'll have to show Dad because I think he will get a kick out of this.

I'm doing lots better with Kinsey. I mean LOTS. It had been a pretty rough two months, but we seemed to have crossed some bridge for the time being. I've figured out how much alternating I need to do between holding her/giving her my undivided attention and letting her play by herself. I can tell when the only thing that will help is holding her, so I just do it and hold her for however long I need. That way, I don't have an expectation that I will be able to set her down in a few minutes, only to have her start crying again. Then, when there are times she can entertain herself for more than 15 minutes, I just cherish the time and get excited for her that she is able to be independent in that moment.

I'm a little concerned about her sleep. As in, I don't think she's getting enough overall. She seems tired almost constantly. Maybe she is good for the first hour and a half after a nap, but then she'll already start raking her eyes and yawning. I'm going to read another book recommended by a friend, Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Baby. I'll see if it has any additional tips, although I don't have high expectations. Can't hurt to try, though! I feel bad for her when she seems to be so tired all the time, but I can't get her napping consistent. Two days ago she took a 45 minute nap in the morning, then a 2 hour nap in the afternoon. Then yesterday (granted, she was out running errands with David, who had to watch her all day while I worked a very long shift) she napped only about 45 minutes the entire day. I tried to give her an evening nap at 6:30 when I got home but she resisted.

As for me, I have been working A LOT. At least compared to what I have been the last several months. I have two per diem jobs right now. In one job I am covering the month of December for vacations, and in my other job I am about to pick up more hours because one of the staff members is resigning this month. It is a whole different feeling to go to work every day and come home to David and Kinsey. I actually really like it, because when I come home I can't wait to see my baby and spend the rest of the evening with her. Working is a LOT easier for me than staying home full time. I don't necessarily want to go back to work full time though, but if I need to at least I know what it will be like.

Working so much has been a help financially since David has no job prospects at this point. He's sending out resumes and working really hard to find something. I'm confident that something will eventually come along, and I feel very patient most days. Occasionally I get a sinking feeling in my stomach, but I remind myself about friends who have faced the same situation and made it through. I am completely confident that God is intimately involved in every aspect of our lives, this being no exception. I know there are things He will teach us along the way. Already I am learning to let go of material obsessions. That is a good thing. I think about what is the "worst" that could happen through all of this, we have to foreclose on our house eventually? Big deal. I mean, it is a big deal, but in the grand scheme of things we will still have each other, we'll have food to eat, we'll find a place to live, we'll have our friends, and we'll continue to move forward in life. We'll have everything that really matters.

8 Months Old!

2010-11-23T23:53:00.000-08:00

I think I envisioned 8 months being a magical age. Not sure why exactly, but for me, not so much! The last month has been tough for many reasons. And it seems to be getting tougher. I find myself constantly asking for advice, none of which really helps. I've adjusted her schedule a few times to try to figure out something that will work better, and it's all just a crapshoot. It makes me feel like I'm missing something key, but that I can't figure out what it is. I'm afraid to accept things how they are and just hope we move out of this stage, because I also fear I'm setting Kinsey up for failure for the near future. For example, she is clingy and wants to be entertained constantly, or she will whine or cry. If I pick her up, she is perfectly fine. However, I can't hold her all day long, that's impossible--and that will set her up to need constant attention much longer than she should as she gets older. So I struggle to maintain a balance to keep her from being bored but also let her work things out on her own without me going crazy listening in the meantime.

Starting out this post so negative brings me to another struggle. Because we adopted Kinsey, I don't want to admit out loud that I'm not enjoying much of parenting right now. It's just difficult at this stage. I remember before we had Kinsey I had a hard time listening to other mothers complain about the difficulty of parenting, because I would be jealous and wish I could be the one with those difficulties. Now that I'm there, I'm totally understanding how difficult it is no matter how thankful and blessed I am to have her in my life! I'm also learning how much talking about my struggles can be cathartic while also gaining much needed emotional support from others. One last struggle--finding friends who have felt this way. Lately it seems that when I talk about what I'm having a hard time with, I can't find anyone who has gone through the same sort of things. Yesterday I did seek one friend out and was able to connect a little bit in this area, so for that I'm thankful. I'm looking forward to leaning on her for support in the next few months.

As for her development, Kinsey is of course crawling all over the place and pulling herself up like last month. She has also learned how to get down from a standing position. That was a milestone I never expected would be anything important, but it is! Before she could do it she would pull herself up but then cry after a while cause she was stuck there. Now she's up and down on her own so a little less required on my part. Sometimes she will pull herself up, decide to get down, then as soon as she is down she wants to pull back up. So she ends up doing squats over and over. Too cute!

She also is eating three meals a day of solids, so we're down to just 3 bottles a day. Sometimes feeding is easy and sometimes she is fussy throughout. I can't figure it out. Sometimes she grabs the spoon and shoves it in her mouth and sometimes she will just open her mouth and make it much easier on me! She is starting the get the pincer grasp but not fully there yet. She is able to pick up the puffs I give her and put most of them in her mouth. I'm looking forward to the stage when I can give her pieces of food for her to feed herself. She now has two teeth.

I threw the Baby Wise out the window and now she gets a bottle before her naps. Sometimes she will sleep up to two hours, but mostly it is an hour and a half max. I'd like her to nap longer because part of her fussiness I think is tiredness. If she could sleep a half hour longer at each nap, I think she'd be better, but I have no idea how to help her do that. And sometimes she will still take a third nap, but usually I will put her down for a third nap but then she won't go down, even though she's obviously tired. She sleeps about 10 hours a night.

Clapping is definitely happening now. Last month it had just started so I wasn't positive if it was on purpose, but it is. Still super cute!

As for happenings, David has been home helping to take care of Kinsey since he has been off work now that he is retired. He is looking for a job very aggressively, and we're praying it will happen soon! Having David home has been great for my own sleep, because I either get to sleep in or take longer naps. I will miss that when he goes back to work.

Grammy was here over my birthday and got to spend lots of time with Kinsey. She gave us some nice breaks and made her yummy home made applesauce.

We go to the park a lot. Going outside helps her demeanor, and she loves to swing on the baby swings. I'm grateful to live next to a park so I don't have to drive, I can just walk over there anytime!

Kinsey was a ladybug for Halloween. We went to two parties, one at a friend's house and one at our babysitter's house.

My cousin watched her a couple weekends ago so David and I could go on a date night. We went to Outback, it was very nice.

We also started trying out a new church called Revolution. It's a church plant that is about 2 or 3 years old. I heard about it through MOPS and decided to check it out. So far we like it. Also, the nursery there is awesome. The last two Saturdays we went, they had 3 workers in there for 4 babies.

All that said, I'm still grateful to have her in my life, I wouldn't trade her for the world, and I think she is super stinkin' cute! But if you can relate to my struggle and have any advice or encouragement, comment away!

Here are the pictures from last month!

7 Months

2010-10-24T18:43:00.000-07:00

Two big events this past month! Kinsey started crawling, then she got her first two tooth! The crawling came on the last couple days on our trip back east. She had been up on her hands and knees rocking for a few weeks, then finally put the pieces together. I think her crawl is so adorable! She LOVES to chase the cat and crawl on the dogs. She also immediately started trying to pull herself up when she's near the couch or anything vertical. She can do it on her own occasionally if what she is leaning on is the right height.

When we got home from our trip back east, we thought it would take a few days for Kinsey to get back into her routine. She was really fussy and needed a lot of attention. I was getting worried that it was some new personality thing that she needed to be held all the time to be happy. One day she was super fussy, and I just was so stressed out about how to change this in her. Then the next day I felt a tooth! I had been feeling her bottom gums every few days for several weeks, but that day I finally felt something sharp. We gave her some ibuprofen, and it was like we had a new baby! So now every time she is fussy I blame it on teething, ha.

Kinsey also started clapping yesterday. Well, it's more like throwing her hands together at the same time. But she laughs when she does it, so cute!

Here are the pictures from the last month.

Six Months

2010-10-04T13:40:00.000-07:00

Kinsey turned 6 months old a week and a half ago.

During the month she started eating much more solid food. She's had carrots, squash, sweet potatoes, peas, and green beans. The only thing she seems to really enjoy is her cereal, but she won't refuse any of the others.

She is getting much closer to crawling. I am looking forward to it so she can discover new things on her own. Everyone tells me I will wish she was back to being stationary, but I'm just in the looking-forward-to-it stage right now.

We really cracked down on the "crying it out" for her naptimes. It works great. She was getting too darn heavy for me to try to rock her in my arms to soothe her to sleep. We had only been halfway letting her calm herself, but now we are all the way there. It is much less stressful. I don't find either way to be good or bad, because if you're able to soothe your baby to sleep and she goes down and stays down, I think that's great. It's sweet having her fall asleep in my arms, but I'm just not strong enough and she will wake up and start crying anyways if she's not fully asleep when I set her down. She really doesn't cry much now when we put her down, 5-10 minutes is usually all. I tell myself in the midst of her crying that it's good for her to burn off extra energy!

We finalized the adoption on September 20th. It was great, I posted a previous blog about it.

Bathtime has become one of our favorites. I put her in the Bumbo and she kicks her feet like crazy and splashes the water with her hands. It will entertain her for quite a while so I can just soak in the tub with her and relax myself.

Finally, at the very end of the month, Kinsey got sick. It was a Thursday night and she was unusally calm before bedtime. I went to feed her the last feeding, and she wouldn't take it, which was strange. I figured no big deal, she just wasn't hungry for some reason. As I was taking her back to her room to put her down, she threw up all over me. Now I definitely know the difference between baby vomit and spit up! She never had a fever, but was dehydrated from vomiting twice and having diarrhea. So we gave her some pedialyte when she woke up the next morning (she still slept all through the night, whew) and eventually gave her some formula. She still had diarrhea for a few days after, but was mostly back to normal by the next day.

David and I both got sick too the next day, right before we were scheduled to fly back East. We decided to delay our flights several hours so we could recover. It ended up being ok; we made it to Florida without any major bumps, although we were pretty drained. I found out the day Kinsey got sick that my friend's baby got sick too, and they had been in the nursery together at MOPS on Tuesday morning, so something must have been going around there. In the middle of it all David and I were kinda miserable but looking back it probably wasn't that bad, and now we know a little bit of what to expect when sickness comes to the Gibson household next time!

Here are the pics from the previous month!

Stainless Steel or China?

2010-09-23T21:59:00.000-07:00

I went to MOPS (Mothers of Preschoolers) on Tuesday morning at church. I was very inspired. The speaker was a pastor at a local church plant and his message centered around how we shape our children. I can't just hope my child will be a certain way, I need to model the behavior myself. That's a pretty "duh" statement but I needed to hear it.

At the end of his message he said something I didn't agree with, though. I'm not sure if he was trying to be funny, if there was truth behind it, or what, but it got me thinking. He said when he speaks to men he likes to think of it as throwing a stainless steel coffee mug around, letting it get banged up, because it can take the abuse. But when he speaks to women he must treat them like china and be gentle, because they are breakable. Huh? This got me thinking about how I receive messages and whether I am more breakable or more durable.

I am spiritually dry. Yuck. One thing that helps is when people are honest with me when they see me going in a wrong direction. I'll give you an example of how this has recently occurred.

I was at small group several weeks ago talking about my lack of understanding the need for prayer, if God is omnicient and omnipresent. I was going around in circles about my thoughts and disbeliefs, and my dear friend said, "You need to stop overthinking everything." I appreciated her saying this. I don't actually agree with her statement, but it was a great example of her being bold enough to say something when she saw me faltering.

I wish I had a little more of this in my life and was treated more like stainless steel rather than china. Being treated like china seems to allow me to make excuses rather than encourage me to change. I don't doubt for many women they are more like china in this area, but I guess I'm a stainless steel kind of a girl.

Thankful Tuesday

2010-09-20T22:17:00.000-07:00

It's not Tuesday yet, but most of you won't read this until at least Tuesday. I'll be very busy toward the end of this week, so I thought I'd do my thankful post early.

1. Yesterday I went to the grocery store. I always try to park next to a cart return spot so I can put Kinsey in the car and the return area is right next to my car. That way I don't have to worry about lugging her to the cart return spot and back to the car again. This time, however, there weren't any spots open right next to the cart return. Someone had left their cart in between two parking spaces, so I parked in one of them and used that cart. That saved me one trek carrying Kinsey. After I was finished shopping, I put the groceries in the cart and was not looking forward to the carrying that was about to happen. But from behind an elderly getleman said, "I'll take your cart!" and I replied, "Oh AWESOME, thank you!!". We went our separate ways and I put Kinsey in car, but as I was about to get in I happened to look back toward the man that took my cart, and he put it away in a return cart slot. The man didn't even need my cart but was just being kind! That warms my heart, and I was so thankful.

2. Today was our adoption court hearing. Several friends came, and some even slipped out of work to stop by and see us, even if they couldn't make the hearing. I was thinking how wonderful it was to have friends surrounding us and supporting us constantly. We waited for about 45 minutes, then the hearing was very short (actual time, 3 minutes). We took pictures afterwards with the judge and then more outside with our group. What struck me today was that the hearing was very short, without frills, just all business. Our friends didn't come to get anything out of it for themselves or to be entertained in any way; they came just to support and surround us with love. Have I mentioned we have great friends? I am thankful!

Group picture after the hearing before we went to the Good Egg for brunch.

Still Thankful

2010-09-18T08:17:00.000-07:00

I'm still thankful, even though I missed the last two Thankful Thursdays. Last Thursday I was working and this past Thursday I seemed to have on thing after another going on. So we'll do a double-thankful-Saturday!

1. We found a place to send our dogs to be trained. They stay at the "Wolf Whisperer's" boarding place and she trains them for a month. When the month is complete, we have graduation day where she works with us to take over the Alpha role. Then they come home and we work with them 30 minutes a day for two weeks. That is going to be the hard part for me. She has a lifetime guarantee, so that is a good thing. We know that it is actually David and I who are going to be the hardest to teach, not the dogs. They will pick up the training easily with consistency. That is why we decided to send them to doggie boarding school, so that we know the trainer will be consistent with them. Then it's up to us. What I am thankful for in all of this is that we really liked the trainer and have high hopes for a more peaceful house, and fewer bruises on my legs!

2. I have been getting a few more hours at work. I started a second per diem (on call/as needed) job which won't likely give me many hours, but it could turn into more down the road. I also am going to get a few more hours at my regular job. I was freaking out a little bit last month only working one day a week. There was no reason to freak out, because we can survive without me working, but it makes it more comfortable and less stressful when I do work at least a couple days a week. So I am thankful to have just enough hours now to have a good balance, at least for the next month.

A Couple Mini-Milestones

2010-09-08T08:02:00.000-07:00

1. She started saying "Muh." Then "Muh muh." Then "Muh muh muh." Haven't been able to catch it on video yet. I tried but then she stopped. She's not ready for the world to hear it yet.

2. She started opening her mouth for the spoon when I'm feeding her. It's amazing how much easier feeding her is when she understands it and wants it.

(Nevermind the very messy counter--eeek)

You'll Never Believe This...

2010-09-02T21:13:00.000-07:00

...but for this Thankful Thursday, I'm thankful for my job. This is the longest I've stayed in a job since I graduated from nursing school. I've learned how to leave work at work. It's been steady and predictable, which is a relief considering all the changes at home this year. They have accomodated my scheduling desires while still finding ways to meet their staffing needs. I also really enjoy working PRN (which means "as needed" in the medical world). It makes me feel like I'm an asset to them, able to help when needed. It's nice to feel needed rather than just obligated.

She'll be scooting soon...

2010-09-01T10:21:00.000-07:00

I'm Full

2010-08-30T09:27:00.000-07:00

I have no idea why I love blogging, but I do! Sometimes I think in blog. Weird, I know.

Yesterday I asked Leatrice about the feeling I get when I look at Kinsey sometimes. How I am just overcome with a feeling of fullness, completeness, happiness...there aren't words quite good enough to describe the feeling. I wanted to know if that feeling starts to fade at some point, like she just becomes part of your everyday life and you don't really think about how amazing it is that she's here, that she's our daughter. She said it doesn't go away, that sometimes she feels so happy and full that she is going to explode.

I asked her to please not explode, I would be really sad without her ;)

Now, please don't everyone think that I am all rose colored glasses, or that Kinsey never gives me any frustrations. She does, I promise! But the good times far outweigh any tough times, so they end up seeming insignificant to write about.

This is my favorite recent picture:

Thankful for Friends

2010-08-26T09:05:00.000-07:00

It's Thursday already?

I'm so thankful for friends. I'm thankful for Rachael and her husband for starting our Young Marrieds life group through our church. David and I had a hard time meeting people we could really connect with before we joined this group. It's changed our lives. I've developed some very close friendships and have lots of people I can turn to when I'm in need. We make dinner, babysit, listen, pet-sit, offer advice, laugh, cry, encourage each other...the list is endless. I'm never in need of something to do, because there is almost always someone available or some event happening. If you don't have friends like this in your life, seek them out! It will change your life.

Check us out here

Month 5

2010-08-24T16:31:00.000-07:00

5 months old today!

The newest thing this month was starting baby food. I didn't have a timeline in mind for when to start, but she began making these chewing motions so we thought maybe it was time. Last week we gave her rice cereal which she seemed indifferent to. After about the third feeding she started swallowing better. Then yesterday we gave her carrots. At first she gave us a "Gross!" face but then once it was in her mouth for a bit she was fine. I feed her in the Bumbo and it works pretty well. No pooping abnormalities yet! This morning she spit up and there was plenty of orange color to it, so I know at least some of it made it into her stomach.

Speaking of poop, if I don't throw the diapers away in the pail immediately, the dogs will jump on the counter and grab them, tear them apart, and eat the poop out of them. That really deserves a "Gross!"

Sleeping is still not a problem, although now that she can roll on her tummy she wakes up sooner (at least I think that's the main reason). She will only tolerate her tummy for a little bit before she gets fussy. She is able to fall asleep on her tummy, but only at night it seems. I can't swaddle her too much anymore, because she is capable of rolling onto her tummy in the swaddle. That just doesn't seem safe! However, the two times it happened she was sound asleep. She even rolled back over onto her back once. How she managed to do that is beyond me! I also have a hard time letting her cry it out because that means she will roll onto her tummy and not fall asleep. So I've been rocking her. I'm thinking I can go back to the crying it out method once she is able to roll both ways. At some point she'll need to learn to soothe herself. It worked really well before she could roll, but now that she can roll it's a different story. But, I'm thinking in another month or so she'll be rolling both ways and this issue will be irrelevant. All that said, she is sleeping about 8-10 hours at night, with 2-3 naps during the day.

Kinsey found her voice this month. She learned to squeal and shriek. She hasn't been doing it as much lately as when she first discovered it.

One thing about Kinsey right now is that she is all smiles. We saw the birth mother and her family on Sunday for a couple hours. The whole time everyone was holding her she was just smiling away! It makes me smile when I think about her smiles!

This month we went to Lake Patagonia with some friends for the day. It was really nice! We went swimming and played a game. Kinsey enjoyed the water and took a nap after that. I didn't realize how pretty it is in that area.

We go swimming just about every day I am not working. She loves it and splashes around with her hands and kicks her feet. She doesn't care for sitting in the floaties too much but she is a little small for them anyways. Once the weather gets cooler I'm not sure what we'll do!

Here are the pictures from the last month!

Month 5

Thankful Thursday

2010-08-19T16:25:00.000-07:00

I'm enjoying Thankful Thursdays because it gets me to write every week, and since I have endless things to be thankful for, I can't see running out of something to say.

This week I have been thankful for how "easy" Kinsey is. I get asked a bunch if she's ever fussy, which of course she is, but I like that Kinsey is usually happy. I have also been blessed in the area of sleep, because she still sleeps 9-10 hours at night and naps 3-4 times a day, without much fuss.

It's incredibly tempting to wonder when it will get tough. I would rather just be thankful for how things are right now than worry about what is to come. That's such a negative outlook, but it seems to come so naturally.

Since we're on the topic of her, in true Sarah fashion, here is a recent picture! More to come on Tuesday when she hits 5 months!

Thankful Thursday

2010-08-12T14:29:00.000-07:00

Yesterday I forgot to call my Dad to wish him happy birthday until it was too late (time difference), Kinsey was up at 4am this morning so I am tired and hurting, and tonight I'm not at all motivated to make dinner. I'm not exactly having a happy-yay-jump-for-joy kind of day.

These are the days that make me think of my friend, Leatrice, and my co-worker, Janice. Both have had Lupus for a while. Leatrice seems to have endless motivation to go to social activities, plan fun things to do with her daughter, cook, and be crafty. Janice is so faithful about coming to work and working so hard despite her advanced illness. Whatever illness I have is not nearly as advanced as theirs, and yet I struggle to envision myself doing all the things they do with such determination.

I'm thankful they are in my life, to give me inspiration and hope on days like these.

Thoughts on Being a Part-Time Working Mom

2010-08-10T20:36:00.000-07:00

It's not as bad as I thought it would be. Sure, it was difficult at first and I went pretty much kicking and screaming, but now that I have a couple months under my belt I've realized I can handle it. I think I even like my job a little bit more now.

Would I rather stay at home and not work at all? I don't quite know the answer to that. I do know that I'm very satisfied with working part time. I get days to stay home and be with Kinsey all day. Those days really are such a treasure. I'm pretty sure I appreciate my time with her more than I did before I started working. Then other days I get to go and be out in the working world. I get to pursue the calling God gave me to become a nurse. Our babysitter is so loving and I am so thankful for her. The whole situation feels very God-designed specially for us!

My Beautiful Story

2010-08-09T22:15:00.000-07:00

I've been having some second thoughts about a blog I posted a while ago, Woe Is Not Me--Reflections on Infertility After Adoption. Not because of what I wrote, but because of how it was perceived. So I keep going back to it, rereading it, and wondering if I should have worded things differently. But the more I read it, the more excited I get about the path my life has taken, its twists and turns, and how much I have learned about strength. I find it to be a beautiful story of redemption, and what's so cool, is that it's my beautiful story! Sometimes I don't feel like my life is anything to write about, (literally!) but it is!

May all of you have moments where you can see the beauty in your own story.

Questions

2010-08-08T22:39:00.000-07:00

The last three days have been absolutely wonderful. I have had very minimal pain, and it has been intermittent, not constant. I feel like I have energy. I don't feel sick. I love it.

I don't know why, and I know asking questions can just breed frustration, but I still am. Is it medication? Is it because people prayed? Will it come back? When?

I expected this would be a long-suffering issue. It may. It may not. But I'm praising God for this day. If it becomes a long-suffering issue, I hope I remember that I can have the strength to praise God for days I suffer and days I don't.

Might as well throw in a cute picture of Kinsey while I'm at it:

Thankful Thursday

2010-08-05T12:48:00.000-07:00

I've had about three weeks at home now without working much. I was only scheduled for Fridays the last few weeks, so I was able to spend lots of time at home, with Kinsey, and with friends. As I head into a much busier next week, I can be thankful I have had lots of relaxation time to prepare myself. Instead of complaining about going into work (like my instincts urge me to), I can be thankful for the time I was able to spend enjoying some freedom and quality time with family and friends.

Lupus Or Something Like It

2010-08-03T00:00:00.000-07:00

Since I want my blog to be as transparent as is appropriate for the Internet, I decided tonight I would discuss my health. I have no desire to be a blogger complainer. Blogging allows us to connect in ways that person-to-person can't. It is sort of like letter writing in the old days, just for a more broad audience. So writing about my health will be about the same thing. Hoping others can learn something through my eyes, while I learn at the same time through introspection.

My first symptom of unknown origin started a year ago with headaches. I had them for several months; no tests showed any cause. Then for a while I was having chest tightness, and I blamed it on anxiety. I'd always had cold hands and feet that would turn purple, even when everyone else seemed to be warm and comfortable. My joints started bothering me to a greater degree gradually over the last year. I'd had joint pains intermittently for years, but I blamed it on gymnastics in my elementary years. Finally, in February, my pain became a life-altering issue. That's what I initially went to see my doctor for. The more we talked about it, the more the symptoms seemed to come together and seem less isolated and more possibly related. He had me tested for some basic autoimmune disorders, which came back negative. He explained that the tests were not definitive, and sometimes in early stages tests can come back negative but later become positive. He referred me to a rheumatologist.

The rheumatologist sent me for more lab tests, which apparently some came back positive. I don't know what they are yet, I'll find out this week hopefully. So now I have been started on a medication that is used to treat Lupus (if you're really interested, read all about it on http://www.lupus.org/). So we don't know yet if it's Lupus, but we're going to go ahead for now as if it is, and see if the medication helps any. That could take a couple of months.

In the meantime, I want to complain all day. But as the days pass and my symptoms do not lessen, I am more aware of the fact that I have two choices: I can accept this without complaint or I can complain and make things worse emotionally.

Acceptance is the only logical choice. Oh, I'm sure I'll complain plenty, but it won't be my overall desire. My overall desire is to understand that my life is in God's hands, and He has a bigger picture I cannot see. That bigger picture I am assured is a good one.

Can I Do It?

2010-07-31T09:33:00.000-07:00

http://www.futuregirl.com/craft_blog/2007/06/sock-and-glove-love.aspx

These are so cute! I really want to make one, but sewing is not my favorite thing to do. Aubrey made one, but she is very handy with the sewing machine.

I think I can, I think I can, I think I can...

Thankful Thursday

2010-07-29T14:07:00.000-07:00

My friend from gradeschool, Kirsten, writes a neat blog every day and Thursday is "Thankful Thursday". I'm stealing her idea, at least for this week.

I'm thankful today for having more energy. I haven't been feeling well lately, but last night I slept well and I'm feeling a little better today. I've been taking up to two naps a day for the last couple weeks but today I didn't even seem to need one. I've been dreading a few housework items that needed to get done and today I was able to knock one of them out...filing! It seems so miniscule but I've been letting bills and paperwork pile up since before Kinsey was born, and today I filed everything. Not only do I have more energy, but I also feel a little bit de-cluttered as a result!

4 Month Appointment

2010-07-26T16:13:00.000-07:00

Weight: 16 lbs, 4 oz - 90th percentile
Height: 25 inches - 70th percentile
Head circumference: 42 cm - 70th percentile

She's following the normal curve so that is a good thing. Our pracitioner said there was no rush to start solids if we didn't want to, so I'm going to wait at least another month. She said Kinsey still has a little bit of tongue thrust when she was looking in her mouth so she might not quite be ready anyways.

Oh, and I got peed on at the appointment today. I picked her up off the table while David was getting a diaper ready for me to lay her down. That's when she peed all over me, the floor, and the exam table.

I bought a booster seat on craigslist today for $10, very happy about that. Craigslist is awesome! I don't think I ever wrote about it but I also got an extra car seat base a while ago for $5, and the lady had the Fisher-Price Rainforest Jumperoo she didn't want anymore, so she gave it to me for free. It retails new for about $80, and used on craigslist I have seen it as low as $40. I have no idea why she didn't try to sell it, but I'm not complaining!

4 Months Old!

2010-07-24T08:45:00.000-07:00

This has to be the easiest age!

Kinsey rolls over from her back to her stomach almost every time I lay her on the floor. She doesn't roll from her stomach to her back much, but she has a few times. She can also hold on to objects for a short period of time on purpose. She is starting to grab at things and put them in her mouth much more now too. Right now, she is sitting in her bouncy seat grabbing at the toys. It is really neat to watch her grab onto something and then look at it with big eyes!

The only minor difficulty I encountered this past month was with napping. She started taking to cat-napping instead of her full naps. I think it was a combination of her going back and forth from the babysitter's house and home, as well as my lack of discipline in the "cry it out" area. The last few days I finally decided she needed to re-learn how to get herself to sleep, and it has been fabulous. By yesterday, it only took her about five minutes to fall asleep after I put her down for her morning and afternoon nap, and she napped for an hour and a half each time. I actually woke her up to feed her. I find it is much easier to feed her when I wake her rather than when she wakes up on her own and fusses.

Sleeping at night has been the same, between 9-11 hours. The cool thing is she will wake up on her own in the morning and just roll from side to side in her crib, talking a little bit until I come in and get her. She hasn't been fussy in the morning at all this month.

She is starting to grow out of the 0-3 month clothes and into the 3-6 month size.

I got her to sit leaning forward a little bit the last few days. Here is a picture:

On Monday she has her 4 month appointment, so we will see how she has grown and also discuss starting rice cereal. I am not in a hurry for it, so I won't necessarily start yet. We'll see. She won't be able to get her shots for another week and a half because our 2 month appointment was a week and a half after she turned 2 months, and we can't have this next set any sooner than August 3rd. But I wanted to go ahead and get her appointment on time to get an accurate percentile for weight. For shots we go to the immunization clinic on base and they are walk in, so it's not like I have to make another doctor appointment just for shots.

On July 4th Kinsey got to see fireworks for the first time on base. She wasn't bothered at all by the noise, and it seemed like she was a little bit interested. David and I also got to go out for our first date night this month, while my friend watched her. It was nice! We went to Texas Roadhouse and then did a little bit of shopping. We have also been busy with summer parties and get togethers.

On the adoption front, we had our final home visit from our caseworker this month. She said we should be able to get a court date around September 20th to finalize the adoption, yay! So exciting! Also, this month I sent a bunch of pictures and a letter to the birth mother telling her all about Kinsey's developments. We should be seeing her next month sometime.

Here is a link to the pictures from the last month!

http://www.facebook.com/album.php?aid=2181455&id=71210563&l=ed043d1cf9

Fasting for Squirrels

2010-07-21T21:38:00.000-07:00

I keep wanting to write this post but then worry about whether it will sound pretentious. But, I'm going past those worries and going to do it, because I'm curious.

I want to fast. Someone in our life group talked about how fasting helped him have better focus on God throughout his day. This is something I need. However, fasting from food doesn't seem like a wise decision with my health problems (yes, I'm sounding old now).

So what have you fasted from besides food?

Thunder!

2010-07-20T01:40:00.000-07:00

If my dogs had been in the movie, Up, squirrels would do nothing for them. But thunder, yes! This middle of the night post has little to do with my insomnia and everything to do with my dogs being unable to stop whining because of the thunderstorm. I am quite thankful I don't have to work tomorrow! The picture, by the way, has nothing to do with their current dilemma, it was just a recent picture of the two of them with Kinsey, of course. Currently, Kinsey is fast asleep in her crib with no apparent awareness of the thunderstorm.

I was having a dream that I had rearranged the furniture in the house and needed to get outside to the car. For some reason David and I decided we needed to sleep out there because of the storm. The furniture was in the way and I couldn't get past it, so I started screaming for my sister, but no sound would come out. I woke myself up and realized it was a dream, heard the dogs whining, but went back to sleep anyways. I dreamt about the same thing again. The second time I woke up I heard the dogs whining again and decided it wouldn't stop unless they got some attention. Now they are quiet while I sit with them.

I never ate the Subway sandwich my husband bought for me tonight, so I figured now is as good a time as any!

I suppose there is no point to this post, so I will leave you with some great words from a friend's devotion. She posted it on facebook without a reference, but I thought it too worthy not to pass along despite the lack of reference. I don't know if they are her own words, paraphrased from her devotion, or taken straight from her daily devotion. But they are good, and really something for me to ponder:

Who am I trying to convince? (copied from Desteni's Facebook note, July 19, 2010)

Another great devotional from today...

Trying to prove how good we are, trying to prove we're good enough, trying to show someone how much he or she has hurt us, trying to show someone we're understanding, are warning signs that we may be into our self defeating behaviors.

They can be an indication that we are trying to control someone. They can be an indication that we do not believe how good we are, that we're good enough, that someone is hurting us.

They can be a warning that we've allowed ourselves to get hooked into a dysfunctional system. They may indicate that we're stuck in the cloudy fog of denial or doing something that is not good for us.

Trying excessively to make a point with another may mean that we have not yet made that point with ourselves. Once we make that point with ourselves, once we understand, we will know what to do.

The issue is not about others understanding and taking us seriously. The issue is not about others believing we're good and good enough. The issue is not about others seeing and believing how responsible or loving or competent we are. The issue is not about whether others realize how deeply we are feeling a particular feeling. We are the ones that need to see the light.

Today, God, help me let go of my need to control outcomes by influencing the beliefs of others. I will concentrate on accepting myself, rather than trying to prove something about myself. If I catch myself in the codependent trap of trying to emphasize something about myself to another, I will ask myself if I need to convince myself at that point.

Squirrel!

2010-07-19T07:22:00.000-07:00

Last night David and I went to church. It was one of the most practical and inspiring sermons I have heard in a while. I believe much of that has to do with my heart actually wanting to hear truth last night.

The pastor showed a clip of the movie, Up. If you haven't seen the movie, the cartoon dogs can talk but they get distracted and shout "Squirrel!". I'm not sure whether they see a squirrel, smell one, or think about one, because I haven't seen the movie, but for now it is beside the point. They stop everything they're doing, whether it is simply talking to one another or whether they are on some sort of mission. Squirrels block everything out so they can't focus on what they were trying to accomplish.

Our pastor implied we get the same way. Instead of focusing on God we get distracted and our attention gets caught by something else so much that we completely lose sight of our purpose. I was so inspired last night and had more serious talks with God than I have had in a while.

However, I woke up this morning and apparently a squirrel was in my bedroom. You see, last night I wrote an email in an attempt to reconcile/understand a troubling relationship from my past with a friend. This morning I woke up dwelling on that relationship, being bitter about how it has caused me to feel, and completely lost sight of the desire I had last night to shift my thoughts and actions toward God. Now I'm struggling to regain my focus and to remember than my significance and my security lies in God alone, not in how I am viewed by others, specifically right now this person.

I'm really looking forward to seeing this movie, even though I'm not a huge fan of cartoon movies yet (I know I will have to be in the near future). I am curious about relating my life to these dogs who get distracted by squirrels!

Just a Cute Picture

2010-07-14T21:51:00.001-07:00

"Maybe"

2010-07-06T19:10:00.000-07:00

http://beingthatguy.vox.com/library/post/the-worst-word.html?_c=feed-atom

I like this post about the word "maybe".

Video of Kinsey Rolling Over

2010-07-05T20:05:00.000-07:00

Friends is playing in the background, of course.

"I Remember When..."

2010-07-04T10:34:00.000-07:00

At one of the satellite offices I work in, there is an OB/GYN doctor in the same office. On Wednesday one of their patients brought it her newborn, who couldn't have been more than a week old. He was fast asleep in his carseat, and he had a ton of dark hair. I actually said to myself, "I remember when Kinsey was that little!" Up until now, it felt like there were no babies newer than Kinsey. That she was as new as they come. Not anymore!

This past week Kinsey has taken to blowing raspberries instead of talking as much. Here is a picture of her in the midst of it:

Today we are going to a 4th of July party, and I bought a cute outfit for Kinsey. I haven't put it on her yet since she's been into a little spitting up phase. I am looking forward to taking pictures though because my Aunt Lois makes beautiful quilts, and the first one she made for us was red, white, and blue. It is going to make a perfect backdrop for pictures! And oh, how I love pictures!

Speaking of pictures, I recently began a new hobby...scrapbooking! I am having so much fun. I went to a scrapbooking class a few weeks ago and was inspired. I even bought the Cricut Expression machine to cut out letters and cute designs. It was a gift to myself for going back to work ;)

David just had a birthday yesterday, and he bought himself a motorcycle. I asked him what kind it was and he said, "If you're telling a girl what it is, tell them it's a Harley, but if you're telling a guy, tell them it's a Hog" (or is it Hawg?). Anyways, here's a picture of his birthday/Christmas/anniversary (for the next several years) present. I do think it is kinda pretty, I like the red, since it's my favorite color ;)

I'm a Workin' Woman!

2010-06-29T16:06:00.000-07:00

I've had two days back to work now. Kinsey was normal over the weekend. I felt like I really cherished the time I had with her. Being away from her really makes me want to love on her all that much more when I'm with her.

Yesterday I worked and she went to the babysitter's house. David picked her up after work and at home I played with her a little. We shared smiles and play time. She went her normal 3 1/2 hours until her feeding which was nice. Then I put her to bed like normal, and she slept a full 11 hours! So whatever the babysitter did that day, I'm all for it! One thing I know I'm going to have to learn in being a working Mom is to be more flexible. I have been very schedule driven which I think goes along well with my personality and makes the stress less. But, since she's not going to be with me all the time, I know that I can't control everything. I talked to the babysitter about my work schedule and we got to talking about how things are going, and she said she generally feeds based on cues. So sometimes she will go 2 1/2 hours or 3 hours, instead of my normal 3 1/2. That's different from my approach, but I know it's not a wrong approach. Most mothers probably feed more like that anyways. The only problem would be if it starts affecting Kinsey's mood or sleeping habits I would think, but I kinda doubt it. And if that happened, I feel completely comfortable at this point talking to the babysitter about coming up with a solution.

I also asked her if it was ok if I brought Kinsey over in the morning without having fed her yet. The reason is because I hate to wake her up just to feed her so we can leave. I would prefer she wake up a little more naturally. Since she's sleeping so much longer now, that would require me putting her down around 7pm in order for her to get her full night's sleep. I don't want to only have an hour and a half with her at night, so I'd still like to keep her up for a while. Getting her up and into the carseat might end up waking her anyways, but at least it will be a little later so she can sleep a little longer. The babysitter was totally fine with that.

I don't have a lot of days scheduled to work in July. I'm not sure how I feel about that. On one hand, I'll love it, on the other hand, the extra money would be nice. We'll see!!

First Day Back to Work

2010-06-25T22:36:00.000-07:00

Today was my first official day back to work. Fortunately, David dropped Kinsey off in the morning. I'm sure that made it easier on me emotionally. He also picked her up at the end of the day.

It was a nice, calm day at work. My co-workers were great, and the doctors who were there today are so easy to work with. The babysitter sent a picture text to her sister, (also my co-worker) so I got to see a couple cute pics from the day. It made me excited and sad at the same time.

I wasn't feeling too upset about the whole thing during the day, and was a bit proud to know I would be bringing in a little extra money. I'd rather have a feeling of being thankful; I think that would be better. But pride it was. "God opposes the proud, but gives grace to the humble." James 5:6

This isn't a post about pride, so I digress.

When I got home, I was excited to see Kinsey. She was a little sleepy, so she didn't really give me any smiles. That was disappointing. She also got hungry too early based on my normal schedule, so that freaked me out for a little while. I got teary. It made me sad that I wasn't with her all day to keep her on my beloved schedule. It also made me sad to think that it was someone else who got to spend the day with her, not me. After an hour or so she finally sat in my lap and smiled at me for a few minutes. Then I gave her a bath. Those two things really helped me feel better and feel like I had quality time to connect with her.

What I am thankful for is that my first day back was a Friday, so I have two days off before I go in again. It would be much harder to have to turn around and go back to work again. Next week I work Monday, Wednesday, and Friday, so I will have a day in between each work day. Hopefully that will help.

13 Weeks and 3 Months!

2010-06-24T18:43:00.000-07:00

Thirteen weeks came yesterday, and today she turned 3 months old!

I have little to report on changes. She is still doing sooo great. Sleeping between 9 and 11 hours at night, napping 3 times a day, and smiling up a storm! I read that at this age babies' favorite thing to look at is faces, and it is very true for Kinsey. She will smile and talk with sweet "ahhhh ooohhh" sounds and occasionally a squeal while sitting on our lap looking at us.

Today I had a short orientation for a nursing agency to do some on-call work either at some facilities or for home care. I took Kinsey to the babysitter's house for the morning, and everything went fine! I was a lot more anxious about it yesterday. Today I was just tired in the morning so maybe I didn't have the energy to be anxious! Tomorrow is my first full day back at my regular job. It will be the first time she will be away from me all day. The good thing is that David will be the one to drop her off so that should help me A LOT.

I am so glad we have the babysitter we have, she's a co-worker's sister. She is just so sweet and loving and I know will be an awesome caregiver for my daughter.

I'm going to switch to doing monthly updates for Kinsey now that she has hit the 3 month mark, unless there is a new deveopment to report.

Here are the pictures from the month!

http://www.facebook.com/album.php?aid=2178384&id=71210563&l=ba3b80d36a

Woe Is Me Rollercoaster

2010-06-20T22:33:00.000-07:00

I've been on a "woe is me" rollercoaster.

Woe was me when I was facing infertility.

Woe wasn't me when we were first starting the adoption process; it was exciting.

Woe was me when we "had" to wait so long.

Woe wasn't me when we found out about Kinsey.

Woe was me because I was having lots of joint pain and other weird things while we were waiting for Kinsey to be born.

Woe wasn't me once Kinsey was here.

Woe is me again because the pain is back, because I feel sometimes outcasted/rejected, because because because...

I have a lesson to apply here. I have to remember that dwelling on my circumstances won't help. It didn't make it any easier when I was in the midst of any of my woes in the past. It's ridiculously easy to have a pity party for myself, though. I've done it all my life. Rather than accept, I complain, pout, make excuses, and complain some more.

I want want want to get up in the morning and know that even if I'm having a hard day, there is joy to be had, and that "...he who began a good work in [me] will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ." Phil 1:6 There is always a bigger picture. It's a good one, I am assured of that. Joys always outweigh woes, at least that's how I think Jesus and Paul looked at it.

Week 12 - My Smiling and Sleeping Queen!

2010-06-16T15:22:00.000-07:00

Kinsey is really good at smiling! It is even easy to distract her when she gets a tiny bit fussy by sitting her on my lap facing me, and smiling at her. She'll smile back and even start babbling sometimes.

The best thing this week has been her sleep. I was reading Baby Wise some more, which is what I have tried to use as a guideline since the beginning. Before this week she had been sleeping between 6 and 7 hours. When she woke up I would feed her and put her back to bed to sleep another 4 hours. I read that she could, in theory, be capable of sleeping up to 11 hours at night, and that when she wakes up she is not necessarily hungry. She may just need to burn off some energy or she may have woken up without knowing really how to get back to sleep on her own. So the first couple nights when she woke up around 4 or so, I rocked her back to sleep. Then for a couple nights I just patted her while she was in her crib, and let her cry it out a little. Then the last several nights I have not even gone in to her room when I hear her, I just let her be. She goes back to sleep within 10 minutes max, and she is sleeping about 9 1/2 hours. It's not even really crying that she does, it's more just like a little bit of loud talking mixed with some fussing. She still naps 3 times a day, so things are very blissful right now!

She is also putting her hands to her mouth a bunch. She seems to do this when she's tired and hungry. She doesn't like a pacifier, so I'm assuming she's going to suck her thumb eventually. Not grabbing at anything yet on purpose, but she can hold on to small objects like the connecting rings if I put them in her hands.

Week 11 - Visit from Grandpa!

2010-06-09T13:56:00.000-07:00

Grandpa came to visit Friday-Tuesday. It was a great visit! Kinsey smiled a lot for him. We went to my cousin's softball game on Saturday morning. He helped us fix our creaky bedroom door on Sunday, and on Monday we went to my cousin's and spent the day there. I absolutely love living in the same city with family. I had my grandparents around when I was growing up, and I certainly took it for granted then. Now I really cherish the time we get to spend with family, and living in the same place is awesome.

Yesterday Kinsey did a fabulous job of napping. Then, I decided to try to have her sleep at night without swaddling her. She has gone down without any problems during the day for her naps without swaddling her, so I decided I might as well try it. My friend Danielle told me a while back to go ahead and try something if you want, because if you botch it up, you'll only do it once! Anyways, Kinsey slept 7 hours straight so I'm thinking that's a great sign.

Here is my napping queen yesterday:

Week 10 - Roll Over and Nursery Time

2010-06-03T21:12:00.000-07:00

Kinsey does not like tummy time, and I probably only give her 5 or 10 minutes a day of it, rather than the 20 minutes the nurses in the hospital told me to give her. I'm pretty sure it won't affect the rest of her life though ;) She is starting to be able to lift her head up and even her chest while she is on her stomach, so we finally saw some progress! Also, one time earlier in the week I put her on her tummy with one arm crossed under her, and she flipped herself onto her back! So of course I did that a few more times for my own entertainment. Plus, she can get her legs tucked under her with her butt in the air, so cute. She is starting to turn on her side almost every time I put her under her play gym mat.

On Sunday evening we put her in the nursery for church! I was completely nervous the whole time that she would get fussy for the workers and give them a hard time. Although probably a normal feeling, it was somewhat irrational because she is rarely very fussy anymore. When we went to pick her up after the service, the lady in charge was holding her and one of the middle school girls was talking to her, it was cute. They said she got a little fussy in the beginning so they took her out of her car seat and changed her diaper. I'm guessing it was because she was getting tired of being in her car seat; she doesn't like to stay in there very long unless she's sleeping or moving in the car. So all in all, a success and I will feel more confident next time.

I am a day late posting, so I will go ahead and report on her 2 month well baby check, which was today. 13 pounds 13 ounces put her in the 90th percentile. She is 23 inches and head circumference is 40 cm, those I think are 75th percentile. She also had three shots, and cried for a few seconds and then was fine. However, a few hours later she was very fussy and inconsolable for a short amount of time. I was watching my cousin's son at the time and my cousin was on her way home, so I asked her to pick up some infant tylenol. She did, but of course when she got home I was able to get her back asleep. I could have just waited to get it after my cousin came home, but I suppose first time Mom with first time shots gives me a pass to mini-freak out once, right? I gave her the medicine and she has been better the rest of the day, slightly more fussy than normal but only noticeable by me I'm sure.

I'm planning an upcoming post about how often I "feel bad" about so many things. I have more to ponder on this before I post, though.

Here are a couple pictures from the week...

This one is so cute because it was before we went swimming, so I imagine her to be saying, "Can we get on with the swimming and stop all this picture taking puhleeease?"

Here is a good Daddy in uniform with daughter picture:

Woe Is Not Me--Reflections on Infertility After Adoption

2010-05-27T11:49:00.000-07:00

In the beginning of my infertility journey, I was very anxious to "get it right". I wanted to get pregnant; I wanted my body to do the right things so we could conceive a baby. Month after month went by without the desired result. Doctor appointment after doctor appointment without definitive answers "why". Medications, procedures, and even surgery, that produced no real new answers. Medically, it remains a big question mark. I could switch doctors and get some second opinions, and probably find some answers. I didn't have a lot of confidence in my reproductive endocrinologist in his willingness to find the problem. It seemed more like the goal was to get me pregnant by whatever means it took rather than to really pinpoint the problem. I'm not bitter about that, though. Actually I'm kind of grateful. I'm fine only having some vague understanding.

The only answer that matters is currently napping in her crib.

Could I see the bigger picture when I was frantic and feeling hurt for not getting what I wanted? Sometimes. There are some blog posts I can look back and read about how I was grateful for not getting pregnant, because I knew adoption would bring us the baby we longed for. Not only that, but we would get the priveledge to love and raise one of God's children who needed a home.

Sometimes I couldn't see the bigger picture. I also wrote blog posts that talked about how difficult it was to be around moms and babies. How sad I was to be working, which is my least favorite past time, when other friends got to stay at home with their little ones. What I can see looking back is that God's strength was available to me not to be bitter, but to find joy in my journey. I could have had the capacity to continue my relationships as normal with the friends I was jealous of, sharing my life and struggles with them. I only know that now after having "resolved" my infertility through adoption. I don't necessarily wish I knew this then because what I learned has given me strength for the next journey.

I'm sure people wonder if I still wish I could get pregnant. The answer is no. I have no desires at this point to get pregnant. As I've said before, being pregnant is the means to becoming parents, not the goal. The only wonder I ever have is what a conceived child would look like. I don't know if I will ever stop wondering that. It is not a wonder that makes me want to conceive just so I will have that answer. When I look at Kinsey, all I see is immense beauty. She is a gorgeous little girl...and our gorgeous little girl at that!

What I am excited about is what I learned about patience, God's grace, and perseverence. It was hard in the middle of it, but I'm grateful for the experience. I will no doubt have more hard times in who knows what areas of my life to come, but I hope to look back on the days of questioning "why", and remember how completely God has fulfilled my dream.

Week 9 - Lap Sitting and Swimming

2010-05-26T12:07:00.000-07:00

This picture sums up the newest development for Kinsey this week-sitting in our laps! She has become content to sit in our laps and watch whatever is going on. It's way fun for me! She's smiling much more and it is getting to be less coincidental.

This weekend we all went swimming, and I'm planning to take her this afternoon again too.

She is also back to sleeping her normal 5 hours, which I'm good with. I know she'll start increasing soon, and 5 hours is better than 4! David is such an awesome husband in giving me so much free time to sleep or hang out with friends or whatever I need.

2 Months Old Today!

2010-05-24T11:57:00.000-07:00

Kinsey gave me a gift for turning 2 months old...she slept 7 hours last night! I woke up a few times and of course went to make sure she was breathing!

Here are the pictures from the past month!

http://www.facebook.com/album.php?aid=2175331&id=71210563&l=02f100b907

A Picture Too Cute To Wait

2010-05-21T16:40:00.000-07:00

Week 8 - A Breeze!

2010-05-19T18:51:00.000-07:00

Moni is never far from her.

This week was a breeze! Hallelujah! She has been napping wonderfully. A couple times I even swaddled her and put her right down in her crib and she fell asleep without a fuss for her nap.

As for sleeping at night, she went 5 hours a couple of times over the weekend, then last night I decided to go ahead and put her down after I fed her at 8, and she went 6 hours! Yay! I think the problem was waking her up to try to feed her "one last time" before putting her to bed. She would nap pretty hard in the evening before bed, but it didn't occur to us to put her down before she started that nap. The only problem is that it is on the early side for me to go ahead and go to bed at that time to get enough sleep for myself, but it won't be forever because eventually she will sleep longer and longer so I can go to bed later and still get enough sleep.

Another development yesterday and today was that I got my own nap! Two days in a row, now that's a record. I don't think I've napped at all while David has been at work. I'm hoping the pattern will continue. Normally by Friday I'm completely zonked out so I would love it if the napping allows me to have more energy through the week as well.

I had a couple friends watch her last week, once on Thursday and once on Friday while I went to some appointments. I definitely missed her. Then on Saturday I went with some friends to lunch and a movie while David watcher her. I had a BLAST but missed her a lot then too. Going back to work is going to be tough!

She can now hold her head up pretty well. She can't lift it off her chest, but I can tell her neck is getting stronger. Her eyelashes have filled in. We bought another bouncy seat so we can have one for the babysitter when I go back to work and one here. She has so much fun in it! It is the kind that lights up and plays music when she kicks her feet. It also has a mirror on it. She has gone as much as an hour smiling and making baby noises in it.

She'll hit her 2 month mark on Monday, so I'll post again then!

Add on to Week 7

2010-05-14T06:57:00.000-07:00

I forgot to post something funny that happened during week 7. Chandler got a hold of a poopy diaper I hadn't yet rolled up and thrown away. I think as soon as I changed her she got fussy or something so I left the diaper open while I tended to her. Chandler decided it would make a good meal, so he grabbed it and at all the poop right out of it! Ewww!

In other news, we had another 5 hour span last night! I'm looking forward to when these 5 hour spans become so common I don't even write about them anymore :)

Week 7 - Naps and Mother's Day

2010-05-12T10:35:00.000-07:00

This week I couldn't get her to nap for the life of me! I was also having a hard time with her fussing, and I was quite sleep deprived. I think Kinsey and I both were, actually. By Saturday I was emotionally drained, and we went to a friend's 1 year-old's birthday party and I just cried after I sat down with my friends and they asked me how I was. There are two times when I cry that I don't like...when I'm stressed and when I'm tired. This time, I didn't even feel very stressed out, I was just so tired that the only thing I had in me were tears. So we didn't stay for very long, and went home. David watched Kinsey while I tried to nap, which I wasn't very successful at. But I rested fairly well on Saturday night, and on Sunday morning David sent me off to a facial and a massage for Mother's Day. It was awesome! When I came home we got ready to go to the birth mother's aunt's house to see the birth family. It went well. We were there for about three hours and everyone was holding her, she napped almost the whole time except for feeding.

On Sunday night she did a five hour span of sleep, which was wonderful. Then on Monday she magically started napping! We switched to the partially broken down whey protein formula, and I think it's helping. I also had a long conversation with some friends and my sister about how to handle her crying throughout the day, and my change in attitude has helped also. What I learned was that it's most important that she is safe, clean, and fed. Beyond that I can try things here and there to help with the crying, but sometimes there's just nothing I can do, and it's no big deal. Finally, I bought the Moby wrap, which is a large piece of fabric that you wrap around your body to hold her in. I am not very strong at all, and cradling her in my arms is very hard for me. The wrap allows me to hold her without tiring myself out. It has incredible back support compared to the Snugli I have. Since Monday she has been napping great and not fussing nearly as much. She is starting to make baby noises and smile more, as you can see in the picture. I will take a video once I find the power cord for the video camera!

On the adoption note, when I tell friends and family about our visitation agreement, which is every 3 months until she is 18, they seem surprised. I tell everyone that it is very important for us that the birth mother be able to see her and watch her grow up. With our agency we were required at the minimum to do pictures and letters every three months for the first year. Beyond that we could do 3, 6, or 12 month intervals, and we could choose whether or not we wanted to do visits or just cards and letters for the birth mother. We chose the most frequent option, I think because it's what I would want if I felt the best thing was to place my own baby for adoption.

Week 6 - Routine and a Dip in the Pool

2010-05-05T12:46:00.000-07:00

Kinsey is awake a lot more now! We are getting some semblance of a routine together, which is nice. I have the morning figured out pretty well, but not yet the afternoon. In the morning she eats at 5 or 6, usually sleeps until 8 or 9, and then takes a 45 minute nap before her next feeding. We are still feeding about every 3 hours during the day. Most of the time she is ready and asking for it, but sometimes she will go a little longer. She sleeps more in the afternoon and the evening. We do her last feeding between 10 and 11 and then she goes right down. Nighttime is really quite good because she pretty much always goes right back down to sleep after her feedings.

On Saturday afternoon David took Kinsey with him to my cousin's house to babysit her kids. He knew I was exhausted and I felt very guilty for him doing all the work, but I slept for three hours in the afternoon and then cleaned the entire house in the evening. It was a great feeling.

Monday was a bit of a rough day. She was fussy what seemed like the entire day, and not much helped. She slept like usual at night though, and Tuesday things seemed to calm down and she was back to normal. She even fell asleep and napped in her bouncy seat, which never happens! We also went swimming--er, I went in the pool and she sat nearby in her carseat. I dipped her feet in though for a minute and she didn't seem to mind, until I dipped her bum in, then she cried a little.

In some ways I can believe it's been six weeks, in other ways I can't!

Intermission

2010-04-29T12:04:00.000-07:00

I am so excited that I have to post. Sunday and Monday night Kinsey went four hours at a time sleeping at night. On Wednesday night she woke up every 3 hours, and after being sick I was completely exhausted yesterday. Then last night she did a 5 hour span! Whoooppeee! I feel like a new person. It's amazing what a little sleep can do.

On another front, I just had a Facebook conversation about going back to work. My friend who is also a nurse said, "I love being a young professional woman who can balance work and be a mother and wife at the same time. I feel so accomplished at the end of the day." I love this. She is an inspiration for me, in light of going back to work.

Week 5 - One Sick Mama and David Back to Work

2010-04-28T11:35:00.000-07:00

Thursday - David and I did some babysitting for one of the Young Married small group meetings, where I was later to find out I caught a stomach bug.

Friday - Pictures taken at the mall. Kinsey did ok, she would have done better if they had been on time. We tried feeding her in the middle of taking the pictures and that helped a bit.

Saturday - Kinsey turned one month old! Went to cousin's softball game, Kinsey was a piece of cake.

Sunday - And the stomach bug flared its ugly head. David had taken Kinsey the entire night Saturday night and ended up taking care of her all day Sunday, too. I was really grateful that the worst of it happened the last day David was still home and not at work!

Monday - David went back to work! I was still icky and didn't eat a whole lot until dinner. It wasn't the most fun I've had, but at least I stopped vomiting.

Tuesday - Still getting over this stomach thing. More energy which is helpful!

Today - I think I'm better!! Now I have no excuse not to get housework done ;-)

1 Month Old Today

2010-04-24T16:44:00.000-07:00

Here are the pictures from the last month!

http://www.facebook.com/album.php?aid=2170077&id=71210563&l=2c4bcf6b49

Week 4 - Babies R Us Mishap

2010-04-21T15:12:00.000-07:00

As you can see, Phoebe is warming up to Kinsey nicely. She will lay near her every now and then. Phoebe still doesn't get along with Moni, as you can see. The dogs are still the same towards Kinsey, they would like very much to lick her and nudge her if we were to let them.

Kinsey is eating slightly more; about once a day she eats about 4.5 or 5 ounces. The sleep is still the same; she goes about 3 hours in between feedings. We took her to my cousin's softball game on Saturday after eating dinner with them and really enjoyed getting out in the fresh air. We have gone for walks in the stroller. We are fortunate to live next to a park with walking paths. We also went to Target and BabiesRUs. We first tried on Monday to go to BabiesRUs to get stuff off the registry we still needed, but we got all the way to the store and I realized I forgot the giftcards! So we had a lovely afternoon drive that day. Then yesterday we finally made it there with the giftcards. We bought a baby bath (we have been borrowing a friend's before now), a couple toys, some bottles, a bottle drying rack, and bottle brushes.

Speaking of the bath, my mom said that she never used a baby bathtub for us (did they even have them then?) so I tried using the kitchen sink for Kinsey's first full bath (about week 2) after her umbilical stump fell off. That was VERY scary. It was like trying to give a large wet noodle a bath. Don't know how you did that Mom! Kinsey enjoys bathtime! I'll have to take a picture next time to post.

On Monday I also went to girl's night with our Young Marrieds group and got some advice from some of the moms there. I was asking how much fussing was normal. For example, when Kinsey is not sleeping (which is most of the time) or eating she is often crying if not being held. She usually needs to be held in order to fall asleep. This is not something that has been bothering me by any means, because really she doesn't cry a lot. But I was just wondering how much alert-without-crying time was normal. She usually has some non-crying awake time once or twice a day for about 30 minutes or an hour after a feeding and before falling asleep. So they said for her age it was probably normal and to keep trying things like the swing, bouncy seat, etc. even if they don't help yet along with holding her, swaddling her, rocking her, and using white noise. The white noise is very effective; I usually make the tv snowy and turn it up very loud. Combined with holding her and the pacifier, it is calming and she will fall asleep.

Week 3-Two Week Check-up and Welcome Home Party

2010-04-14T17:31:00.000-07:00

On Thursday we had our 2 week check up and Kinsey gained all of her birth weight back and then some! She came in at 8 lbs, 8.5 oz, 20 inches, and head circumference was 37 cm (compared to 33 at birth). That put her in about the 75th percentile for all measurements.

Last week was all about getting ready for Kinsey's Welcome Home Party on Saturday. We had done a good job cleaning the house before she was born, but of course there were beds to be made, carpets to be shampooed, bathrooms to be cleaned, etc. Plus, we had to plan the food for the party and do the shopping and prepping. David did a great job with the food trays and I'm sure saved us money vs getting premade trays from the store.

I filed her nails on Friday which was interesting. I tried first clipping them but they were so soft (something I didn't realize) that the clippers wouldn't really work. We still kept her mittens on for a few days but over the last few days we have just left her hands free. They still feel sharp but she doesn't seem to have scratched herself yet.

On Friday between 2 and 5, Kinsey was a little bit fussy. I wondered if the same thing was going to happen on Saturday during the party, but she was awake for the first 30 minutes of the party then slept the rest of the time.

All in all, we had about 40 people here. It reminded me of my wedding reception because I felt like there were so many people here I couldn't spend much time with anyone in particular.

Leatrice made an incredible looking and incredible tasting cake! I have never tasted homemade buttercream frosting as good as this one! It was actually four cakes stacked on top of each other. Cutting it was lots of fun because I ended up lopping off the top half. Here is a photo:

As for eating and sleeping, she is doing really well. Eating is no problem whatsoever. Last night I took her for the whole night because David had a lot of schoolwork to do, since he is taking two classes this semester. I only had to get up once in the middle of the night, it was fantastic! I fed her at 10:30, then she went to sleep and didn't wake up until about 2, then I fed her at 2:15, and she went back to sleep until 5:30. Of course I went back to bed after that to get some more sleep. She seems to have trouble during the day going to sleep for naps, but I'm sure that comes with the territory. She fights it, and she usually requires a combination of swaddling (yes, it's back again), holding, rocking, and shushing (white noise). I guess the cool thing about it though is that she's awake a good bit more during the day.

Also, yesterday we contacted a lead we have for day care when I go back to work. We are going to explore our options but that ball has started rolling. I plan to go back to my same schedule, about 2-3 days per week. Two in the beginning would I'm sure be better, but we'll see. I still have a little over 2 months before we fully cross that bridge.

Finally, David was changing her diaper yesterday and said, "Whoa we have a little fudge in here!" Yum.

Here is a link to the pictures from the Welcome Home Party:

http://www.facebook.com/album.php?aid=2171599&id=71210563&l=3a8a519832

Week 2 - Easter

2010-04-07T22:14:00.000-07:00

On Thursday my Mom and I took Kinsey into work to meet everyone. She was calm as could be. We also went out to lunch afterwards which I considered my first real outing with her, because before that we had just gone to the doctor's office. I gave Kinsey her first sponge bath on Friday night, and my Mom left on Saturday morning. Sunday was Easter, and Leatrice invited us over to her house for dinner with her family. We had an awesome time! We ate a delicious dinner, took pictures, dyed Easter eggs, and played Wii. She is an awesome photographer and here is a cute pic of her all dressed up:

Tuesday morning I went to MOPS at church (Mothers of Preschoolers) and met some nice ladies. It was certainly a different atmosphere than I'm used to being in! I brought Kinsey of course while David got some rest at home. The night before he had offered to take the whole night and let me rest, so I took him up off that offer. She got fussy at about 4:30 am so I came and helped him and then he was able to sleep while I was at MOPS.

Then today I went to the park and met a couple friends there and got some good tips on feeding and scheduling her, besides enjoying hanging out. David has class on Wednesday night and I had a book club meeting so I took Kinsey with me. I'm getting more comfortable going out with her. Tomorrow is her two week check-up, so we'll see how she's doing (I think she's doing great!).

Here are some more photos from Easter Sunday:

http://www.facebook.com/album.php?aid=2171000&id=71210563&l=ac26d01539

Week 1

2010-04-04T11:38:00.000-07:00

I really like the idea of blogging every week about Kinsey's development and activities. I am excited to keep track of everything and since I am on the Internet all the time, this will be a great opportunity to document everything.

We brought her home on Saturday, March 27th and my mom (Grammy) flew in a few hours later from Florida.

I thought I was going to be super stressed out the first week, but I wasn't at all. It also helped that Grammy could watch her while David and I napped. David and I also decided after two nights that we would take shifts during the night for this first month while he is off work. The first shift goes until about 2 am and the second shift starts. I started with the second shift and last night was my first night doing the first shift. Both are pretty equal. She only sleeps about 2 1/2 hours at a time at night and we space her feedings about every three hours. I can't at all sleep when she fidgets and makes her baby sleep noises so I am pretty much awake for my whole shift. During the day she has at least one stretch of sleeping for about 4 hours. I'm looking forward to the 4 hour stretch switching to night time instead of day time! She loves to sleep with her arms stretched out to the side or above her head.

The first several days she loved to be swaddled and held on her side, but swaddling does not seem to be her thing anymore. Occasionally she takes a pacifier to soothe her but not very often. A while ago we watched a very simple video, Happiest Baby on the Block and learned some great techniques for soothing her. I highly recommend that video as a starting point because it gave us some tools that worked. Even if they won't work as well as she starts getting older, it helped us feel much more calm and capable when we were in the hospital and when we came home the first few days.

We had our first well baby check up on base on Tuesday. She weighed 7 lbs 10 oz which was normal. We got something for her diaper rash that cleared up a couple days later. Everything checked out fine! Yay for a healthy baby so far.

I love her little baby smiles when she sleeps!

Where do I begin?

2010-03-29T13:33:00.000-07:00

I was blessed to be in the operating room for Kinsey's birth, and once the nurses did the initial assessment, I went with the baby to a triage room where we spent a couple of hours. We gave her her first bottle and just held her and took pictures. Birth mom did spend some time with her and with us during the 3 days we were in the hospital which I was very happy about. David and I were able to get our own room for two of the three nights. That was nice to be able to care for her right away. By the end of the three days, we were very happy to be going home. The hospital was stressful, even though things went very smoothly. On Saturday the papers were signed by the birth mother and then our agency signed Kinsey to us. We will have two home visits by our case worker over the next couple of months and then the adoption should be legal in about six months.

I wasn't sure how I was going to feel about my infertility once baby came, but there was still some sadness when we were in the hospital. It was brief, but there. Now, with her home, there is no sadness. I don't know when and if it will come back, but I am thrilled to be a mama. This is what I have been waiting for the last three years, and what I have envisioned almost all my life. Being pregnant wasn't the goal even though it felt like it when we first started trying to have a baby. Being parents was the goal, and we have achieved that, all praise to God.

Kinsey Joy

2010-03-27T19:26:00.000-07:00

I'm going to be lazy and post a link to the photo album...

http://www.facebook.com/album.php?aid=2170079&id=71210563&l=aa2bbdde98

She was born March 24 at 8:12 am weighing 8 lbs 1 oz, 19 1/2 inches long, with Apgar scores of 9 & 10! She has more hair than David! She takes the bottle like a pro! She was officially placed with us this morning. We were able to stay at the hospital in our own room with her two out of three nights.

Grammy is here now, too.

Hectic

2010-03-25T21:46:00.000-07:00

It's been a crazy busy couple of days but I will post info and pictures once baby is discharged from the hospital either Friday evening or Saturday morning. Woo hoo!

Baby Room

2010-03-20T23:19:00.000-07:00

It's quite simple, but I think you could trip over the love and excitement that fills the room!

I'd like to make a tablecloth for the table next to the crib in the same fabric the boppy cover is made in.

These shelves were built by the previous homeowners and they are perfect for the room!

This is a beautiful quilt made by a co-worker of mine.

This is a crib sheet I sewed.

Goal Accomplished!

2010-03-19T22:31:00.000-07:00

Since this is our last weekend as a parent-less couple (Lord willing!) I made it a goal to clean up every room in the house by tonight. It's 10:29pm and I'm lying in bed, feet hurting, but house clean! Now I'm planning to spend the weekend trying to relax!

It Was Only a Matter of Time...

2010-03-11T22:04:00.000-08:00

...Before I started freaking out and worrying! Well tonight was it. I was with Leatrice at the Just Between Friends sale, which is a consignment sale for baby/kid items. There was one item I was looking for but couldn't find. When I couldn't find any, I started freaking out. Of course I can go buy them, but it sparked the, "What else don't I have ready yet that I want." This is not a breaking down crying sort of freaking out. I want to be on the minimalist side of things. Even if baby comes early, we already have what we need for the first few days without having to step foot out of the house or have anyone bring anything over.

So here's the question...what item do you think it is that I couldn't find that caused the freaking out? And please if you have a story to share of the "thing" that made you mothers finally freak out, do tell! (Leatrice you can't answer the first question, but I'll let you congratulate whoever can come up with it!)

If no one guesses it tomorrow, I'll add hints ;)

Registry Experience

2010-02-14T15:39:00.000-08:00

I asked my friend Leatrice to help me with my registry shopping. I initially wasn't even going to do one because I'm not having a shower. Instead, we're planning to have a "Meet the Baby" party at our house 2-3 weeks after baby comes home. I'm looking forward to friends and family coming over in more of an open-house type atmosphere. But a few people have asked if I'm going to register, so I finally decided to go ahead and do it. Then, I was only going to do Target, but of course with Leatrice that wasn't acceptable! Haha, so she convinced me that BabiesRUs was a good idea too and we went out yesterday after watching the movie, Valentine's Day (which I thought was excellent).

I NEVER could have done it by myself. I have a hard time shopping as it is because I'm always wondering if I'm buying the right thing or if I will regret buying it. So having to laser gun a ton of baby items when I don't even know what we'll need was over my head. After about 5 hours we completed the task and even though it was incredibly overwhelming, I had fun!

Vacation

2010-02-11T20:19:00.000-08:00

Highlights of our vacation in Greer:

We stayed at our favorite bed and breakfast (although we've only ever stayed in two).

We woke up to a beatiful snowfall on Saturday.

David was very excited about skiing! We drove to check out the slopes on Sunday, then he went skiing on Monday while I stayed nice and cozy in the cabin!

This is where I spent the majority of the time...in our Honeymoon Cabin...complete with a king size bed, living area, fireplace, full kitchen, loft, and large jacuzzi tub!

We tried out the snowshoes on Tuesday.

And had fun playing in the snow!

De-Nesting

2010-01-26T12:14:00.000-08:00

I take back my last post. I haven't cleaned hardly at all since last week! I'm actually having to motivate myself today to get some cleaning done. Man am I a roller coaster!

Nesting

2010-01-23T20:16:00.000-08:00

It's kind of frustrating, because it's all I have time for. Ever since I started working part time, all I've been doing at home is cleaning things out. I've gone through the garage and all the rooms in our house except for our bedroom and thrown away junk or set stuff aside for a garage sale. Now I want to go back through every room and clean clean clean. I'd really like to be spending time learning to sew or learning how to use my camera better, but I have a feeling from now until the baby comes (God willing) that I will be continuously cleaning.

One of my desires through this whole process is not to get caught up in hooplah or be on a babymoon. That mainly means not buying tons of stuff and not having a baby shower (although there are other reasons I don't want a shower). But I also need to realize that nesting shouldn't get obsessive. Certainly there is nothing wrong with having a clean house for a new baby, but having every inch cleaned and sanitized is not necessary. Since I am prone to obsessiveness with cleaning as it is, I need to really watch what I'm doing so I can focus on things that are much more fun and meaningful than cleaning. (Good accountability question, ladies!)

Ultrasound

2010-01-23T14:28:00.000-08:00

We went to the ultrasound appointment and found out it is a girl!